Archive | November, 2011

The Mothership Called Me To… Juicy Couture?

25 Nov

There are many things in life that I love.

-          My family

-          My friends

-          Animals

Generic, right?

-          Wine and iced coffee

Better…

But, if you’ve been reading my blog you know my one true love is my Juicy Couture bag.

I’m embarrassed to say how I even stumbled upon Juicy Couture, back in my early 20s, when I was very poor and uncool.  (Not a good combo, but thank goodness I grew out of BOTH of those phases…)

Anyways, so back in the day when Mancow was on Q101 I used to listen to him in the a.m. as I got ready to go to my real estate job in Hinsdale.  Working in Hinsdale made me so desperate to be rich it actually turned me into a huge b*tch and I detail about that time in my book, Concrete Boots.  I promise my book will be coming out…and SOON! 

So anyways, while I was listening to Mancow one morning he talked about how his girlfriend at the time (who is now his wife) was obsessed with Juicy Couture.  He would get so mad that she would go spend his precious earned dollars on Juicy Couture tracksuits with the word “Juicy” written on the rear.

He said, “Sorry people.  Sorry I don’t want my woman walking around with Juicy on her @ss! That’s not appropriate…”  He would go on and on.  I was in a trance…what is this Juicy Couture??  Then when my US Magazine starting showing a lot of celebs wearing Juicy I was sold.

I don’t think celebs wear a ton of Juicy anymore…too many common folk wear it now.  But, I don’t care.  I’m obsessed.  For me Juicy Couture is expensive enough that not everyone is wearing it, but affordable enough that I have to work hard for it so therefore I really appreciate it.  When I get a new Juicy Couture bag I’m like, omg, this is heaven.  I’ll never forget the day I bought my 1st Juicy Couture bag for myself for my 30th birthday.  Hellzz yeah, I’ve made it now, I thought. 

Now, not to brag, but I’ve graduated to Pjs, panties, perfumes, shirts, purses, a diaper bag, and finally…and I mean FINALLY … my 1st Juicy Couture tracksuit.

Let me tell you this story.

Last month I was in Phoenix visiting family.  One night my hubby and I went to meet some friends in Scottsdale for happy hour.  Super fun night and I had the best coconut martini ever at the Tommy Bahama restaurant plus, you know, a glass of wine or two.

I had a little buzz on and as we were leaving to walk back to our car we were walking through Kierland Commons, an upscale outdoor shopping area in Scottsdale, and my friend, Liz, who obvs knows I’m obsessed with Juicy says, “Jen, look, there’s the Juicy Couture store.”

Me standing outside Juicy Couture!

O-M-G.

What?!?

See, all my Juicy Couture purchases have been made at Von Maur (a Nordstom-type department store we have in Chicago which is the greatest store ever because they have an interest-free credit card!) or the Juicy Couture Outlet at Chicago Premium Outlets.

I know it’s probably totes uncool (by the way, totes is my new word) to shop at the outlet mall, but what can I say?  A deal is a deal, and I always say that when my book makes me famous like JK Rowling I will still shop at Target!

So, anyways, I just went off on a tangent.  Vacation.  A couple drinks.  A beautiful night.  The aura of Juicy Couture.  It’s like the makings of a rom-com.  I said, “I have to go in there.”

My friends laughed and carried on, and my husband, knowing I would rather die than go home without going in Juicy Couture said made the big mistake of saying, “OK, let’s go in.”

It was like heaven on Earth.

I walked in and my head started playing its own little theme song like Ally McBeal.  There were clothes and shoes and jewelry and purses and tracksuits and pink…there was pink everywhere.  And beautiful displays.  And beautiful people.

The beautiful Juicy Couture store at Kierland Commons

This is amazing.  I have to buy something.  I must.  I mean, this is the official Juicy Couture store, not the stupid outlet mall or Von Maur.  I mean, this is the real deal. 

What kind of an example would I be setting for my daughter if I chose to simply walk by?  That’s not following your dreams.  That’s not being true to yourself!  I work hard, damn it, and I want Juicy Couture!

Uh-oh.  My husband should have known better, he really should have.  I don’t blame him, I’m just saying.  Sometimes dealing with me can be tough, you know, so he picks his battles.  He did remind me of bills we had to pay when we got home, and how overpriced Juicy Couture is, and you know, do I really need this, like really really need this?

The answers of course were: I’ll worry about it later, I don’t care and YES, for the love of God, YES I need this.  And let me turn to the Lord on this one.  Would God have put Juicy Couture right here if he didn’t want me to stumble upon it?  Of course not!

I finally settle on the tracksuit of my dreams.  This is a must-buy.  I am dying to give my credit card for this beautiful piece of clothing.

Knowing Juicy Couture runs small I grab a medium top and a medium bottom.  The sales gal says, “Oh no, honey, you’re not a medium.”  Ooh, I like her already.

Sales Gal was getting a kick out me, thank goodness, and loved that I was having so much fun in the Juicy Couture store or maybe was just making fun of me – LOL?  I’m sure I was a bit of an amusement as I stumbled around looking at every single item and running my fingers across all the fabrics with wide eyes. 

She let me in the dressing room, which, too, was amazzze.  As I tried on the tracksuit I discovered she was right.  It was too big.  Now there’s a problem to have, right?!? 

As Sales Gal went to grab me alternate sizes I look down at my skinny belly.  Wow, I have gotten really skinny since I lost all the baby weight.  I could still tone up a bit, my tummy is a little flabby, but still I feel a sense of pride, because it wasn’t without hard work – both working out and dieting – to lose the 33 pounds I gained.  Then I look down at my panties.  O-M-G.  I completely forgot I am wearing my Juicy Couture THONG!  It is pink and blinged out and says “Juicy” on it.  Ohmigosh, dying! 

Since I’ve lost my boundaries at this point, not that I have a lot of boundaries anyways since I’m slightly inappropriate at times, I’m like dying to tell Sales Gal.  In fact, I, like, have to show her my thong.  She will DIE.  Maybe she will call Corporate Juicy and they will hire me for their next ad campaign because obvs I’m a diehard fan.  Then maybe I’ll get to meet Giuliana Rancic, my future or in another lifetime BFF, as I walk the red carpet at the next awards show because I’m totally the next big thing!

Knock-knock.

OK, wow, back to reality Jen.  You’re a 32-year-old suburban mom living in a Juicy dream (pun intended).  I can just see the hate mail coming in now.  Get my priorities straight, blah blah blah.  You know what I say to that?  Lighten up, Francis!  I’m not going to die without:

 1.) Occasionally eating a Big Mac (I last ate one as Snooki on Halloween)

and

2.) Owning a Juicy Couture tracksuit.

“Come in,” I say to Sales Gal who comes in with different sizes and colors of tracksuits as I stand there in my knickers. 

My eyes widen as I remember I have to show Sales Gal my thong. 

I point at my pink Juicy Couture thong and say, “Look, I told you I was the ultimate Juicy fan.”

She starts laughing, as she hands me a pair of pants to try on.  “Oh my gosh, I love this!  You are so sweet.  You have to get a tracksuit now!”

Me with Sales Gal as I pay for my purchase! Yayy

And yes, I did buy my Juicy Couture tracksuit at the official Juicy Couture store.

So, today, on this day of thanks, I am grateful for my family and friends.  And obvs for Juicy Couture! :)

 

P.S. Check back to read about my Black Friday adventure which of course included a stop at Juicy Couture.  Happy Thanksgiving with a slice of Juicy. ;)

I Think Someone Needs More Prozac….

16 Nov

So I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday which has caused some friends to worry a bit.

One of my closest friends, also a new mom, checked in on me this morning (for that which I am very grateful) to see how I am feeling today, you know after the hormones have hopefully stabilized a bit.

Let me add there was no alcohol involved in my breakdown, as I have dubbed myself the “Drama Drinker” courtesy of my Urban Dictionary Word of The Day for November 15th.  I am now on restriction because of another incident involving me talking too much…(See JUST STOP TALKING!!!)

My response was such that I know will cause some hate mail, but honestly, I need to get it out and will be discussing this with my counselor as well so thanks, but your advice is really not needed.  I feel people (women) need to be aware that motherhood is not all the glamour and glitz that Jessica Simpson is hoping for walking down the street in her 4 inch heels.  I, too, was there merely two years ago obsessing about a Juicy Couture diaper bag and accessorizing my belly and heels. 

Stylish Jessica just wait until baby comes....

Stylish Jessica just wait until baby comes....(Photo courtesy of http://elitestv.com/pub/2011/10/wait-jessica-simpson-is-pregnant)

Motherhood is tough, tougher than anything I’ve ever done in my life, and even though my Post Partum Depression is behind me, I still struggle to this day.  I am not perfect like so many women pretend to be.  And let’s be honest, in our society mothers are pooped on!  Forget something?  Automatically mom’s fault.  Angry about something?  Mom’s fault!  Let’s get something straight right now.  EVERYTHING WILL BECOME YOUR FAULT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

I digress.  I’m not in a good place right now.  I haven’t blogged because it’s been a tough couple weeks for me with the passing of Dexter followed by some family problems I can not share at this time.  I’ve been trying to keep my head above water but I guess it all hit me yesterday as I stood in the kitchen feeling like the words “YOU SUCK” were written across my face by the looks from both my husband and my daughter.

So here’s a snip-it of a crazy woman’s response to “How are you doing today?”:

“Hi there,

I’m feeling OK today.  Carolyn gave me good advice this morning: “Fake it till you make it.”  She said that she learned this in a single’s class at church about love and how the feeling of love disappears.  She said to DO acts to love which will in turn BRING feelings of love.

I mean, of course I love Eva.  I know I do.  But my feelings last night of such strong hate and anger towards Brett and Eva really scared me.

What’s happened is that lately she’s been rejecting me.  I’m not sure why.  I don’t know if it’s her age, or if I haven’t been as present lately (this month has been tougher for me than I realized with the family stuff and having feelings of “I will definitely be a failure because both my mom and my aunt were failures as mothers” not that I’m saying they were/are failures, but you know what I mean, it’s always mom’s fault.)

I think it’s because I take things to heart, you know.  So all this family drama has had me thinking that there is no hope that I will raise a normal, successful and happy daughter, it just won’t happen.  She will be forever depressed and angry just like me because that’s the way we are in my family.  It’s a vicious cycle.

I have to stop this way of thinking.

As I was saying she’s been rejecting me lately and it breaks my heart.  Obviously you know about the rejection from my before blog post about how she always cries when she leaves the G-ma’s houses, The Green Eyed Monster.  It’s annoying and it hurts.  But, lately, as in the last week, she has wanted nothing to do with me.  At first I just chalked it up to her being a fickle 16-month-old who is being a daddy’s girl at the moment.  The way Brett is with Eva is truly amazing!  He’s the greatest dad, so patient and loving.  How can I even compete?

Fast asleep on Daddy...Eva IS a daddy's girl

Then I started getting depressed about it.  I was crying and all I wanted to do on Sunday was sleep.  I didn’t want to play with her or anything, just sleep.

Then Monday, probably sensing my distance, she withdrew even more from me, and I started getting angry.
Don’t you know I love you?

Don’t you know I would do anything for you?

Last night after sitting in gridlock for 45 minutes to pick up a child that wanted nothing to do with me I got down right pissed off.  I started thinking that some people are not meant to have children, and I must be one of those people.  Now what I am going to do?  I am stuck with a husband and a child that hate me.  In 20 years Eva will be in counseling talking about having a mother who didn’t love her enough, didn’t do enough for her, how miserably I’ve failed, and how she wishes she was born to Sabrina’s (her made-up/possible someday BFF) mother.

There’s no hope.
I never should have had a child.

This morning I wake up knowing I was PMSing bad last night – and because of my PMDD I was in a very bad place last night wondering about the girl I knew in high school whose mother had killed herself and wondering how she feels about it today and if she’s angry and depressed, because is being there more important?  Even if you’re there as a failure?

Wow, right?  I know.  Maybe a glass of wine or some Greygoose would have settled me down a bit.  But, I’m on restriction.

In seriousness, I am sensing a pattern here.  I feel like I wasn’t loved enough as a child, and I have a fear of abandonment.  I feel like my mom at times was very cold, not a lot of hugs or I-love-you’s were flying around my house.  I’ve made a conscious effort to hug Eva and tell her I love her all the time, but as she has started to reject me I’m seeing myself pulling away which is in turn making her reject me even more, and it’s a vicious cycle.  Could this be a repeat of my childhood?

At 8 pm I knew it was time to go to sleep and to end my horrible day.

So am I feeling better today?  I feel that God has given me the gift of Eva for a reason.  HE believes in me even if I don’t believe in myself.  I will continue to try, and I will continue to fail.  But I WILL continue.

I'm not missing this....

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