Archive | February, 2012

Happy Blogging

29 Feb

I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately.  I’m not sure why but I imagine it has something to do with the dreary end of winter, fighting with the hubs and a bad bowling stint that left me with scores not even in the 90s.

Then I woke up this morning and it all changed.  For one, I woke up and said to myself Today is going to be a great day! 

That doesn’t always work for me, and I can’t stand people that insist waking up on the right side of the bed guarantees you a fab day.  Maybe for you, but not me.  I encounter wayyy too many idiots in my day for that to happen.

But I am working on that and realize that my attitude affects a lot of people, mainly those closest to me or the poor unfortunate soul who cuts me off in traffic and ends up with a middle finger.

So after having a pity party the last couple days week I woke up this morning and resigned to turn it around.

“IT’S GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY!”  I jumped from the bed and started singing and dancing in an imaginary musical, a la Glee.

Hahaha, um, no.  But, I did say to myself that enough is enough.  It’s time to remember all the good I have in my life, to be thankful for it and to stop being such a crab!

The sun is shining bright, and here in Chicago we are having a 50-degree morning on this fabulous Leap Day, so it doesn’t get any better than that.

Tonight I am attending an event with a friend called Vino van Gogh at Ivy Restaurant.  I’m hoping to blog about our adventures of painting like Van Gogh and drinking vino, ooh la la, my fave.  You know Friend didn’t have to twist my arm for that one. :)

Then I come into work, albeit 7 minutes late due to the Chiquita’s diaper explosion – but I resigned to not let it ruin my day – and I receive this email:

Hello JleeBlogger:

Congratulations! You have been featured on BLOGGERS as one of the Bloggers of the day. Your profile and Blog “Jlee’s Blog” has been showcased in Bloggers Home page (http://bloggers.com/) In addition to that you are awarded with Featured bloggers badge on your profile. Thank you again for your brilliant work. Enjoy the latest features and tell your friends to join this wonderful community.

Regards and thanks,
The Bloggers Team

O! M! G!  I have been selected as a featured blogger on Bloggers.com!

Just thrilled to be featured!

I am sooo excited.  I am beyond excited.  I text hubs the good news.  He responds: U a celeb now.

LOL, hardly.

But in all seriousness, I would like to take a moment to humbly thank my supporters.  My blog readers and friends I would be nothing without you.  I thank you for taking precious time out of your day to read my words.  I want for my future a career writing books, and I KNOW I can succeed with your continued support.

Please if you like what you read – even if you hate what you read – let me know.  I love comments from you, and I love when people reach out to me about things going on in their lives.  We’re all in this world together so let’s make it the best we can! :)

Have a FAB Leap Day!  More writing to come…xx

Babies on the Brain – Reasons I “Just Say No”

23 Feb

I remember when I had the Chiquita and I was like this shit is nuts!  Life is a blur of feedings and poopy diapers…you’re in a state of complete exhaustion, shock and disbelief.  Life as you know it is OVER.

I thought to myself, I don’t get it.  I just don’t get it.  Why do people have multiple children, seriously?  I couldn’t believe women would choose to go through this nightmare again.

That would sooo never be me!

And now here I am, 19 months later, and I long to have another one.  Maybe because I was robbed of the Chiquita’s infancy.

I had a 5 lbs. 8 oz. baby that ended up in NICU, and it pained me that I had to leave her there – only 1 extra night, thankfully - but I couldn’t help but think what did I do wrong to make this happen to my baby?

Finally seeing Chiquita after 11 hours...this isn't what newborns look like in the movies?!? I was scared to death.

I suffered extensive blood loss immediately following the delivery and didn’t see my baby for 11 hours.  No skin-to-skin bonding time for us.

I should have been given a blood transfusion but the hospital decided against it.  So not only did I suffer from normal “just had a baby” exhaustion, but I was even more exhausted for weeks while my body upped its blood supply.

One month later – to the exact date of Chiquita’s birth – I ended up in the ER nearly unconscious from blood loss with vitals so low I was sent to the nearest hospital instead of the hospital where my OBGYN was, and then nearly died during a routine D&C because I started to hemorrhage and it took the poor doctor hours to stabilize me.

And finally, if that’s not a bad enough start to motherhood, I wound up suffering from Post Partum Depression so badly that I wanted to end my life, was later hospitalized again, and then lived in a fog for nearly six months until I FINALLY got the help I needed.  The full length of this trauma lasting one full year when one day the fog finally lifted just after the Chiquita turned one.

The Chiquita’s birth was obviously a very difficult time for me, and while I will always be grateful to have my baby, and while the physical pain of birthing her has disappeared, sadly the emotional scars of this trauma still sit with me to this day.

I understand that complications do happen.  I understand that every woman has a birth story – no one’s birth is as easy and beautiful as Beyonce would like you to believe.  Shit happens in delivery rooms…there’s screaming, there’s fluids, there’s needles, there’s wires and medications and hours of discomfort and the list goes on.  None of this is new to any of my mom readers out there.  I hope you all understand that I’m not saying my situation was any worse than anyone else’s, I’m just saying this was my situation and it was very difficult for me and still is when I think about the time I lost with my infant.

Which brings me to my current topic of babies on the brain.  I was told by a couple friends that as time passed I would surely want another baby…it just takes time…time, time, time.  And now I see that my friends were right – the Chiquita is awesome and is doing really well, we finally have established a routine, and I’m in a good place and have started to make things in my life a priority again, like working out and spending time with friends.  I’ve finally found that balance I was searching for!

And then people started asking me about babies…were we planning to have another one?  Did I want another one?

This usually comes up over girl talk after a couple glasses of wine and leads to my very over exaggerated, “No way will there be any more children for me!  One is enough, and I am very blessed with the one I have!” [Chug wine so they move on to someone else.]

But I always leave thinking, really?  Is that it?  Just one [biological] kid for me?  Maybe it would be different the next time.  Maybe I would enjoy it more.  My analytical brain starts to see everything as “the last time.”

I’ll never be pregnant again. :(
I’ll never hold another baby that is my own. :(
I’ll never experience my baby walking for the first time again. :(
I’ll never…I’ll never…boo hoo hoo.  I’m crazy, I know, but that’s what I do!

As the Chiquita is nearing two now I’m stressing about no longer having a baby.  I have a toddler now!  I’m being told to get her off her bottle, get her off her paci, when will I introduce a toddler bed.  Holy shit!  I want to cry.

But then I remind myself of all the reasons I “Just Say No” to babies:

1. I Was a Crabby Pregnant Chick
While I (sometimes) long to be pregnant again – usually only when I see a really cute maternity outfit that I know I would rock – I must remind myself that the whole time I actually was pregnant I hated every single minute of it and complained incessantly about being pregnant.  My whole way of thinking was, “You’re having a bad day?  Well, add being pregnant to that bad day!”  In other words anything you do I’m doing pregnant!

Thinking I was such a stylish Hamptoms mom. I look back and think: Wake the f*%# up chick!

2. My Husband May Be in a Wheelchair at High School Graduation
You’ve all seen it.  The kid at school whose dad you mistake for their grandpa.  Well, friends, yes, one thing I don’t touch on much in this blog is that I am in a May-December romance.  My husband is 17 years my senior, so while he says he’d be willing to have another baby, I’m sure he doesn’t want me to be changing his diapers and our baby’s diapers at the same time.

3. Don’t Mess with Perfection
I have been blessed with a healthy and loving daughter, and for that I am very grateful.  I sometimes act like I have it sooo hard when I know I really don’t.  My kid is perfect!  Hard is people having to deal with sick children, like my aunt’s friend whose two-year-old daughter has cancer.  Now that’s when you go to bed at night and ask God wtf!?!

4. My Family is Complete
Blended families can be many things.  They can be frustrating and stressful, but when that family finally clicks they can be utterly amazing.  I have two bonus daughters who I have always loved and adored.  Sure there were moments I wanted to strangle them, and I know there are moments they have wanted to strangle me.  That’s family!  But when you all decide to work together, to accept each other’s good and bad, and to love each other with an open and forgiving heart you can truly heal and become a family.

5. I Was Advised to Not Have More Children
Last but not least, not more or less important than the others, is that yes, I was advised by doctors to not have any more children.  My doctors feel that because my Post Partum was so severe it is not in my best interest to have another baby for fear that it would be the same or worse.  While women who have suffered from PPD are at higher risk for suffering from PPD in subsequent pregnancies that doesn’t mean you will for sure suffer from Post Partum Depression again. But, there is also no way to guess what the severity would be if you did.  I don’t think I want to roll the dice on that one.

So, that’s all I’ve got to say about that.  Your turn blog readers and friends – what is your birth story and do you want more children?

How Moon Signs Influence Mothers’ Parenting Style

14 Feb

Today’s post comes to my fellow Jlee’s Blog readers from SaeSult, who I was fortunate to find on a blogging site I recently joined called Bloggers.com. SaeSult’s blog, Girly Stuff, was one of our featured bloggers, and I immediately took a liking to her pieces on astrology, which I’ve always been interested in. I asked her to do a guest blog for us and here we are! I just LOVE this piece she has chosen to do for us mamas out there on the moon sign of mothers. It is a quick read and soo interesting! Please do share it with your mom friends as well! Also, don’t forget to check out SaeSult’s blog – Girly Stuff. She has great beauty tips as well! And a BIG thank you to SaeSult!!

Moon sign is a very important astrological concept that influences how we behave with others especially at home. It can never be changed and because of this, we all will continue to carry its influence all our lives. As a mother, you know that you involve your mind while dealing with your kids. Undoubtedly, this emphasizes that your moon sign plays a major role in their upbringing. Every astrological position consists of both positive and negative sides. The elements of moon sign are no different. If you get to know a few details about them you will be more understanding of how to influence your children’s habits in a clearer or more precise way. Good news is that this post is going to discuss it all. So find out your moon sign and scroll down to locate and read about it.

Moon in Aries Mom: There was a time when you had no wish to be a mother. You just did not want to be held down to a needy being. But now things are different.  Kids and people with moon in Aries go hand in hand. They understand one another. Generally speaking, your bond with your babies is deep. You are a protective mother, but in a very different way. In your mind, only you have the power to punish them (this hardly happens). Others trying to do the same can end up with a punch or slap directly from you or your kids. Yes, you want your children to be brave, prompt and extremely self reliant.

Moon in Taurus Mom: You are fond good lifestyle and peaceful home environment. You want your kids to be their “saviors”. Therefore, you create certain laws and regulations at home which you expect them to follow.  Your intention is good. Children learn best things at home, after all. But sometimes they wish to be out of control. You are not in favor of that. Thus, your home might often change into a war ground. But at the end of the day, you are a natural healer and that is completely irresistible to your children.

Moon in Gemini Mom: You love the society, adventure and of course, a good chat. Your kids experience it all. You buy them trendy clothes. You take to them to movies. You talk to them about the latest happenings. But when things go little too stable at home, your mood goes through the notorious swing and you become off for your kids. Apparently, you do want your kids to be as social as you are.

Moon in Cancer Mom:  You tend to copy your mother’s style of parenting because as a child, you did absorb her personality traits a little more than others. But above everything else, being responsible towards your offspring comes easily to you.  There are times when you sacrifice different parts of your life or overdo things to get them a smoother upbringing. It is just that your love runs too deep for them. Unfortunately, today’s generation wants too much privacy and freedom. Your children belong to it and thus, they might end up thinking that you are actually being clingy and controlling.

Moon in Leo Mom:  You have a very big heart and your parenting style totally reflects that. Generally speaking, you are more like a fairy godmother to your children. You never say no to anything they ask for because you cannot tolerate seeing them in misery. This is wonderful, but does not always work positively. The problem is that since your kids tend to get their every need and want satisfied by you. So they become reluctant to take up the real world responsibilities themselves.

Moon in Virgo Mom: You are more of a traditional mother. Your mission is to make your children “proper” because you have a love affair going on with perfection. When they wear something of their choice you let your criticism accompany it. Despite this, you are not too involved with every part of their lives. You believe in making your children responsible and because of this, you want them to solve their problems independently. Unfortunately, this sometimes makes the children feel that you are too submissive.

Moon in Libra Mom: You are a very open minded mother. It is possible that your children know everything about your ex boyfriends and you are very much aware of everything that goes in their lives. Basically, the definition of secret is not known to anyone in your house. However, when they start to grow up you prefer to give them enough privacy.  Just like Gemini moon, you are pretty social. Your children always get a taste of it as you take them with you to different parties and other social gatherings.

Moon in Scorpio Mom: You love your children passionately. Your parenting style involves a lot of possessiveness. In your mind, your children never grow up. That is why, you believe that the real world is too harsh for them to face and that they are always in need of your protection. The ultimate result of this is that you become very strict and controlling towards them.  You might even prefer them to go out with your handpicked dates and no one else.

Moon in Sagittarius Mom:  You are a very optimistic, convincing and encouraging mother.  As a matter of fact, your simple words help your children regain or boost their confidence level. You love the freedom. You understand that all including the tiny ones need it. Thus, you never tie your children to strict rules and regulations. They get to freely do whatever they like. Nevertheless, deep down inside, you want them to grow up as fast as possible because it would let you have an unrestricted life.

Moon in Capricorn Mom: You draw future plans for your children as soon as they take birth. You believe that your style of parenting will influence their choice of careers and lifestyles. Thus, you program yourself to be an alert mother. Your children at times feel a difficulty in completely opening up to you. It is because you come off as conservative. However, when it comes to school work or profession you turn out to be their best adviser and helper.

Moon in Aquarius Mom: You want your kids to be individualistic and more in love with science, discovery and inventions. As a result, you encourage them to spend more time with educational materials. You seem to think that books are their best friends.  Showing great emotions to your budding children is not easy for you. You feel that you have a lot to say to them, but something always hinders you from letting your mouth open. This often leaves the relationship you share with your children a little colder.

Moon in Pisces Mom: You are driven by your psychic ability in your motherhood. You are very good at sensing what your children need and want. So they are always fed by you at the right time. You often feel that you have spiritual connection with your children. Sometimes emotionally, you can be very passive. This somehow leaves you vulnerable in your home environment. Your children can have a tendency to be rude and dominating towards you.

In case you are wondering…I am Moon in Taurus Mom and it DOES sound like me! Which are you? Do you agree with it?

#1: Get to Know ~ Susannah Collins

10 Feb

I am soo excited to be sharing this new section with you titled (for right now at least) Get to Know. I am beyond thrilled to announce my very special guest and friend, my #1: Get to Know…..

Downers Grove’s own SUSANNAH COLLINS!

I’ve known Susannah since our high school days at Downers Grove North High School. We weren’t in the same group of friends, but we were always friendly. One thing about Susannah, she has always been the nicest gal. She was nice to EVERYONE in high school, which I think is a true testament to her character.

We went separate ways for college, but crossed paths again at 22 once we all came home from college. We would get together for TV and wine nights. :D Now that Sooz (as we call her) is so busy traveling we don’t see her very often but anytime she’s in town we all are excited to see her and hear her fab stories about her exciting life.

I am SO honored to know this woman who is kind, compassionate and fun. And when I was suffering from Post Partum Depression she wrote me an amazing letter of encouragement telling me to stay strong and giving me hope. It’s things like that which make this woman so extraordinary! Keep reading to learn more about Susannah Collins and some of Sooz’s own thoughts:

What is your current profession?
I am a reporter/correspondent for Showtime Sports, working specifically on the shows Inside the NFL and Inside NASCAR.

Briefly describe how you got there:
I owe it all to a douchebag, no joke. A buddy of mine started a web-based sports talk show called Sports Nutz and thought I’d make a good host. So myself and another girl, Sam, were the co-hosts and we’d do weekly episodes taking a very sarcastic take on timely sports-related stories. In March of 2010 we did an episode called “Douchebag Nation” about douchebag fans at the Big East basketball tournament at Madison Square Garden. And boy, those douchebag fans did NOT disappoint. One in particular decided to launch himself at me on camera whilst foolishly displaying his wedding ring for all of cyber space to see. Needless to say, it made for quite an entertaining episode. So entertaining, in fact, that a popular online sports blog, Deadspin.com, picked it up, giving us thousands of hits. One of those hits came from the Executive Producer of Inside the NFL. He called me in for an interview and the rest is history. If I could find that douchebag fan and give him that kiss he wanted I actually would….though I don’t know how his wife would feel about it!

Did you always know this was the direction you wanted to take your career in?
Not at all! I actually got my degree in Broadcast Journalism but had no intention of ever using it after graduation. I was a complete musical theater geek, and after I graduated college I went to London for a year to get my post-graduate degree in Musical Theater at Mountview Academy of Theater Arts. When I got back to the states, I performed in a bunch of Chicago productions – including a stint as a performer on the Spirit of Chicago dinner cruise ship – HA! But, as most starving artists will tell you, it’s a brutal industry and it started to take it’s toll on my mental health. I started working in PR but after a few years and a few HORRIBLE bosses I knew I needed to change it up. I’d always been a huge sports fan and started to think I missed my calling by not going into broadcasting. When the Sports Nutz gig came up I thought, “Why not?” Kind of crazy that it’s come full circle like that.

How have you stayed so down to Earth?
It’s the only way I know how to be. I think because I found a bit of success at age 30 rather than age 25 I have a greater appreciation of how the industry works. I know as quickly as success came, it can be taken away, so I don’t take a single moment for granted. I’ve got some life experience behind me that certainly has helped me stay grounded. That and I have the most incredible support system in my family and friends. I’m surrounded by people who would kick my ass if I started to play the diva card!

What is your favorite sport and favorite sports team?
I LOVE baseball. I am a die-hard, life long Chicago Cubs fan…Sigh…

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
Vino. Red, white, pink, bubbly….I love it all. But lately I’ve also been into Makers.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I honestly have no idea. I try not to get too far ahead of myself. So much has happened in two years so I can’t even speculate! I hope to be happy, living in a nice home with my hubby, perhaps a kiddo or two. My dream job is to work covering the Cubs….Never say never, right?

Who is your favorite shoe designer?
Miu Miu. Their shoes are so beautiful and I love them because they accommodate large feet, which is, unfortunately, what I have. I’m on my feet a ton so comfort is crucial, and Miu Miu’s manage to not kill my tootsies while still looking fierce.

I see that you’re a guy’s girl…i.e., hot, loves football, but you’re also a girl’s girl, i.e., fashionable, many gal pals and also just a nice person in general – are you really the next “America’s Sweetheart?”
Hmmm, not sure if I’m the next “America’s Sweetheart”. But that’s very nice of you to imply! One thing that makes me happy is that I have both male and female fans! I love hanging with the boys, but my girlfriends are my heart & soul. The fact that women enjoy the work I do, especially in a male-dominated environment, makes me very proud.

What is your favorite personality trait about yourself?
I like that I can laugh at myself. You can’t take yourself too seriously in this business otherwise you’ll go crazy. Having a sense of humor is essential.

What is your favorite body part?
I’ve always thought I had nice ears.

How can people follow you? Twitter? FB?
You can follow me on Twitter at @susannahcollins or find my Susannah Collins fan page on facebook. And tell your friends! :)

Any words of wisdom for Jlee’s readers??
Don’t be afraid to dream. Laugh a lot. Love your family & friends. And drink wine. :)

Sooz at the Super Bowl!!! (Photo courtesy of Inside the NFL)

I’d like to say a very big Thank You to Susannah Collins for giving me the honor of making her my first Get to Know post! I’d also like to encourage you all to take a look at this video clip of Susannah (one of my faves) as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader for a day! Great piece!! Click here to view.

xx Sooz, and I hope you will all “like” Susannah on FB and follow her on Twitter!

Get to Know

9 Feb

Even though my “Bad Mom” posts have taken some time to get rolling I am getting positive feedback on the idea. I like the idea of adding other people’s voices to my blog because just hearing from me may get a little bit boring. I mean I know I’m pretty awesome, but after a while talking about my wine and Juicy Couture might get old. ;)

Last week I randomly came up with the idea to start a section called: Get to Know which would feature interesting people doing fun and exciting things with their lives. We all need inspiration from time to time, and I thought, what a great way to help those people out there trying to DO something…those people not spending 24/7 on Facebook (my most hated addiction).

So here you have it. I came up with this and approached a friend about being my first post, not knowing how she would take it. Would she think this is stupid and a waste of her time? After all, she’s big time now and this is just a silly blog full of bitch sessions on etiquette! I figured it was worth a shot. If she said no I told her I wouldn’t be mad, and I really wouldn’t have been.

But she responded and said YES! She loved the idea and would be honored to be my first post in the Get to Know section. Yayy!! :D

I don’t know if I love the name “Get to Know” so if you have a better idea shoot me a comment or an email at jlee5879@live.com. And if you have an idea for someone you’d like to be featured in the “Get to Know” section please pretty please let me know. I know a lot of rad people, but I want these to be exceptional peeps!

And check back to see who will be featured as #1: Get to Know!

Being featured in Jlee's "Get to Know" section is totes awesome...

#4: Bad Mom Says “My Bad!”

8 Feb

I’m obviously not doing very well with sticking to my time-table of Monday postings. What can I say? I’ve never been one to be on time!

Soo0…here is this week’s “Bad Mom” story which was actually given to me as a comment on #3: Bad Mom Says “Suck It Up!” from one of my fellow blogger friends. It’s funny, and in case you missed it, I thought you might enjoy it. :)

OK, here’s one that might as well make it to print. I’m sure I have plenty of recent Bad Mom stories, but my daughters would be the best source for those. And I’m not going to give you their contact info for that very reason. :)

Several years, when my youngest was about 8 or 9 and played recreational soccer, we got one of those soccer goals for our yard…I think they call them “rebounders” since the harder you kick the ball into it, the harder it rebounds back to you.

At the time, my daughter played goalkeeper, so we were helping her work on her defensive skills. (Guess where this is going.) So I kicked the ball pretty hard to her, probably harder than any of her teammates could ever kick. Not saying I’m that strong or athletic, but apparently I had some pent-up frustrations for some odd reason.

Well, the ball hit her in the arm. At first, I thought she was laughing, and I may have even laughed with her as I uttered something really un-motherly, like “my bad.”

Except she wasn’t laughing.

Within 30 seconds, the tears were flowing and she was wailing in the front yard, grabbing her arm. Since this daughter isn’t my overly dramatic one, I immediately took her to the ER.

As you can probably guess, I had broken her arm. And as you can probably guess, every doctor and nurse that approached us asked her what happened to her arm, and she responded quickly with “My mom kicked the ball to me playing soccer in the front yard.”

She forgave me, but that didn’t stop her from telling the world about it. And 5 years later, she still talks about it to all who will listen. Just call me Mother Of The Year. Jlee says: I just love this story (not that she broke her arm), but the fact that she will never let you live this down. Afterall, that’s what daughters are for! Thanks for sharing!!

"Mom is going to be paying for this shit for the rest of her life!"

Keep the Bad Mom stories coming!! Email me YOUR bad mom moment at jlee5879@live.com.

Reason #26 Why I’m Crazy

6 Feb

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life.  Well, not my whole life, really since I was 15.  I like to blame my parents for it, you know, because of my genetic make-up and the fact that they were so hard on me during my teen years. 

In hindsight it’s probably a good thing.  Who knows what would have come of me if I wasn’t grounded every other weekend of sophomore year and permanently grounded from sleepovers from 15 until I got kicked out of my house at 22.  Yes, I’m dead serious.  Grounded from sleepovers for life!

I remember walking around my house with a nervous stomach and loving going to work at Dan’s Pizza.  It was my only saving grace.  I would beg people to let me take their shifts because work and school were the only places I was allowed to go.  And I preferred to be anywhere except home.

My parents scared the shit out of me.  I wasn’t raised with hugs and time-outs.  I was raised like an army recruit.  Sir, yes sir! 

You don’t sleep past 8 am on weekends.
You don’t swear in our home – and swearing includes saying ‘what the hell’…
You were never – ever – late for curfew.  1 minute late is still late…
You are allowed only 1 C per quarter or NO driving until the next progress report 3 months later.  We strive for excellence in this house…

I’m not saying whether this is good or bad parenting.  As a mother, I know that I will be tough on the Chiquita because I don’t want her to end up a 15-year-old prostitute working for crack.  Yes, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but we have addiction in our blood, and I think that’s why I always steered clear of drugs.  I knew if I tried it I would probably love it.

I think I’m like most kids-turned-parents in that I’ll take with me some things I learned from my parents and other things I just choose to go to therapy for.  One thing I’ve learned since becoming a parent is that parents are only human.  They are bound to make mistakes.  I pray I don’t damage the Chiquita in some way, but I’m sure she’ll have some story to tell, just like we all do.  We all have something that our parents did to us…it may not be abuse or neglect….but I’ve never spoken to anyone who says they’ve had absolutely the perfect upbringing.

And while I wish my parents weren’t so hard on me, and I wish they would have given me more hugs and encouragement from time-to-time I know I didn’t make things easy on them either.

I’ve always been a very emotional girl.  Why do you think I started a blog?  I have a lot to say and a lot of feelings to go with it.  I needed some kind of an outlet, and a journal just wasn’t cutting it.  I do journal, yes, but more out of necessity than desire; it’s a chore for me, something that I have to do.  I put the really crazy thoughts in my journal…Haha.

But something that has taken me years and years to figure out is that I have PMDD.  I have officially been diagnosed with PMDD, which is Premenstrual dysphoric disorder.  I find that PMDD is relatively unknown.  It affects 3% – 8% of women, and like PMS, follows a cyclical pattern. 

According to Wikipedia:  Emotional symptoms are generally present, and in PMDD, mood symptoms are dominant. Substantial disruption to personal relationships is typical for women with PMDD.  Anxiety, anger, and depression may also occur.  Click here for more information about PMDD from Wikipedia.

Why am I sharing this with all of you?  For two reasons: 

#1 because a lot of women thank me for my openness and honesty about suffering from and overcoming Post Partum Depression.  It absolutely warms my heart to know that the hell I went through can result in me helping another woman get through it, too.  Maybe someone out there has PMDD and doesn’t know what it is and why they are going bonkers.

And #2 because for one week (to 10 days!) out of the month – every month – I go absolutely bat shit crazy.  Not normal PMS crazy, I go mad scientist crazy.  Many of my friends know about it, and I’ll explain any more than usual craziness with a simple “It’s a PMDD week,” (Que nods and ohhhh that explains it…) but others (Facebook friends, for instance) don’t know why I become such a whack job.  So here you have it – during a PMDD week I get very angry, crabby, inpatient, sensitive, emotional, feelings of being stressed or overwhelmed…basically for one week out of every month I’m just not myself.  My evil twin, Jsux we’ll call her, makes her appearance.

Jsux during a PMDD week...YIKES!

Doctors are bad about diagnosing PMDD and would rather just say you’re depressed and throw you on antidepressants.  I take a wide range of natural herbs and vitamins with hopes of controlling my mood swings during this time of the month.  Some months are better than others, and some months are so disruptive that I find myself hibernating so I don’t lose all my friends.

There was a time when I hated my PMDD and hated that I got stuck with this weird and unknown disorder, like why couldn’t I just have something “normal” like ADD?  But, now, I look at it like I look at the parenting thing.  Everybody has something.  No one’s life is perfect.  I’m fortunate enough to have a great husband who is so supportive and loving that I really don’t deserve him, and obvs the Chiquita and my bonus daughters, and I have a good job, and I have a nice home and nice “things,” and I have a wonderful support system of friends and family who all love me and care about me despite my craziness, so I guess this is my thing.  My thing is that once a month I go bat shit crazy and sometimes act like an insane person.

Here’s where if you could see me while I write this you would see I’m shrugging.  That’s my “thing.”  [Shrug.]  This is God’s plan for me.  Just like my PPD, which I will tell everyone about and shout from the sky to help other women (and maybe Book #2???), my “thing” is PMDD. 

What’s your thing and how do you stay strong to overcome it?

 

 

#3: Bad Mom Says “Suck It Up!”

2 Feb

Excited to report that I received my first “Bad Mom” email.  Yayy!

I would have posted it sooner, but unfortunately my mother-in-law passed away of a sudden heart attack last week.  We are shocked and sad and guilt-ridden (we should have done this, and should have done that), but have vowed to be there more for my father-in-law in the future.

I am dedicating this post to my mother-in-law, because she would sometimes read my blog (which honestly gave me anxiety!!! What will she think of this???)  She always told me that she thought I am a great writer, but said I swear too much in my blog (LOL), and I’m sometimes too hard on her baby boy (Yes, I probably am).

So, here’s to you Mom B.  We love you and will miss you and will think of you often….

Dad and Mom B. Mom will be very missed. :(

The Bad Mom email I received:  I am a bad mom every day of my life and here are a few examples…. while removing a splinter from my son’s foot I kept wiping it with a cotton ball of alcohol he was whining and crying and me and the other son were telling him (actually chanting to him) “suck it up” over and over. I finally finished and gave it one last wipe (he was still bitching and moaning) and it was over! I get my splinter removing supplies together to put away and realize my “alcohol” was actually nail polish remover!  Jlee says:  Yes, I was told to “suck it up” many-a-times as a kid! Love it!!

Kate says, "Suck it up kids!"

I gave them a vitamin drink and told them it will help keep them healthy during this bad cold season and will give them a lot of energy blah blah blah… oldest drinks it and immediately begins bouncing off the walls and acting obnoxious. I scream at him and tell him “It’s supposed to give you energy, not make you act like an idiot!” Jlee says: LMAO!!

Many many more mother of the year moments in my life==more to come I am pumping breast milk as we speak at work…. trying to make up for giving my 10 month old baby a lollipop to keep him quiet!

____

LMAO, thanks friend for sharing your “Bad Mom” moments. I hope we can all get a laugh out of this and remind ourselves that we are doing the best that we can.

~ xx

PS I’m hoping to post “Bad Mom” stories on Mondays so forgive this being a couple days late!!  Send me your bad mom stories to jlee5879@live.com!!

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