Have you ever wished you could get DRUNK but still be a productive as you would be SOBER????
I spotted a little person and it got me thinking…how do little people find pants to wear? Where do they shop? Is there a little people store? Do they buy regular pants and get all their pants hemmed…? Because that would get expensive to have to get every single pair of pants you own hemmed!
Do you ever wonder what happens to all the trees sitting in parking lots that are never picked to be a family’s Christmas tree?
I started to imagine the trees getting really sad…asking each other “What’s wrong with me that I wasn’t picked?” Or “Mommy, am I too fat?” Or others wishing they could have been beautiful just one time.
I ended up getting really sad.
While watching The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with the Chiquita I found myself pondering which character I would have sex with….of choices Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, Pluto and Pete I found myself leaning towards Donald Duck. I like his feisty personality.
I’m sort of afraid of Honey Boo Boo. I wonder if she’s secretly a robot. Or a genius.
On long nails:
“How do you wipe your butt with those things?”
A deep thought actually spoken by my mom.
I have a one-way ticket to Crazy Town which I envision as a place similar to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory… but minus the Oompa Loompa’s because they’re creepy….and minus the chocolate river. In Crazy Town instead of having a river of brown milk chocolate flowing through, it’s actually a river of Greygoose Vodka.
I love when I drive like an asshole to counseling because it reaffirms my need for therapy and therefore makes me feel that its money well spent.
When I’m explaining my latest woes to my counselor I often wonder if she sits there thinking she’d like to invite me to her book club so that she and her [psych] friends can cage me like a monkey and “observe” me.