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Nipple Tittooing

16 May

I heard about this article on the radio this AM. I have to say I was intrigued. As a boob-obsessed chick I was both shocked and surprised to hear that there’s a new trend out there for getting your nipples darkened. My first thought was let’s put this right up there with bleaching assholes. #whatthehellisthepoint

I have had plastic surgery so I am definitely not one to put my nose in the air to cosmetic procedures. I think women need to do what makes them happy. I so badly want need Botox and lately I’ve been toying with the idea of some lip injections….seriously my mom would probably kill me.

But, nipple tattooing? Tittooing as they are calling it.

I read the article fully prepared to make fun of it. #whoarethesechicks

Yes, one of the stories is a bit odd in my humble opinion. After having breast reduction surgery a 21-year-old tattoo artist decides to reshape her nipples into hearts.

Click here to see the pic of 21-year-old Ashlea.

I think that’s completely insane but maybe this chick thinks lip fillers are insane too. #whoamitojudge

Side note: Are you loving or hating my hash tags? I’m copying this from Brandi Glanville’s book Drinking and Tweeting, which I highly recommend. Super funny and a quick and easy beach read!

Brandi Glanville Book

Back to tits…err tats.

I did, however, find that there IS a purpose for nipple tattoos. Bleaching assholes, no purpose found yet that I’m aware of.

Take Janice Day. A 55-year-old breast cancer survivor, Ms. Day had a mastectomy and breast reconstruction.

She says: “The doctor told me they could create a new nipple out of the skin from my vulva – but I didn’t fancy that at all!”

It never occurred to me that getting your breasts removed would result in having no nipple. I thought they took your nipple and put it back on? Am I wrong? I must be.

Ms. Day continues: “I had no idea of the psychological impact of not having a nipple. Without one, your breast is simply a mound of flesh.”

Click here to see the pic.

This got me thinking. As a boob-obsessed chick I remember being quite concerned about my nipples when I was pregnant. They were huge. Like the size of my head. Will they be normal again I would wonder – or I will be destined to have these gigantic gross nipples??

With time my nipples returned to normal, and I’m back to loving my boobs, but what a wake-up call to think about a breast cancer survivor – or even a woman who chooses to get a mastectomy for preventative measures [Angelina Jolie] – having to endure this type of insecurity following a fight for their life.

Being a relatively affordable procedure at about $500 US dollars I think it’s a great procedure to help breast cancer survivors feel confident after the physical and emotional scarring they endure. Getting hearts or stars or diamond tittoos to me is a bit silly, but then again so is asshole bleaching. And lip injections.

Taylor Lips: Hot or Not?

Taylor Lips: Hot or Not?

Read the full article here.

Here’s another article on nipple tattoos. Also from the U.K. Hmm…

For here in the states I found this website while researching boobs: www.VinnieMyers.com. Here is a pic of his work, but do check out his website.

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Dream Big Follow-Up

7 May

On April 4th I posted the article Dream Big to share some of my goals and dreams with you. I promised to be back in one month to let you all know how I was doing…I did post once in between (I couldn’t not post about Foxy Knoxy). Click here for Jlee’s Review – Amanda Knox Speaks; a Diane Sawyer Exclusive.

So, here’s where we’re at (side note: as I type that I’m like, wow, I feel like I’m sitting down with my teacher to discuss a progress report…scary):

Let me start with the GREAT news! I was able to get Safari by Jlee’s wine glasses placed in a local store! Safari by Jlee is launched. :D

Safari-by-jlee

Logo by IT Article

Safari by Jlee wine glasses are available for purchase at The Clothes Attic’d in Naperville, IL. I’ve written about Clothes Attic’d before…remember my post Hello does my butt look good in these jeans? I am so honored and excited to be working with Jen, the wonderful owner of Clothes Attic’d. Please do check out her store and ‘Like’ Clothes Attic’d on Facebook. :)

My work on Concrete Boots has been slow but its improved. I’ve written a synopsis of my novel and shared it with a couple of friends for feedback. It’s been edited twice, and I’m awaiting one more round of feedback. I started my letter to the publishers….and I don’t know what to say other than I’m struggling to sell myself in a one-page document.

It’s like a resume. Except you go through your whole job life being told that resumes get tossed into recycle left and right…send out 5 resumes for 1 to be viewed…that kind of stuff. With this I feel such a sense of urgency and perfectionism. Like they have to read it, they have to like it, they have to want it. I don’t have time to be thrown aside. I keep telling myself it will sell because I do believe it will!

I’ve started training for my 1/2 marathon, which is on July 21st. Training is going slow…I’m at 3 miles and there are days I feel like dying. Omg, 13.1 miles?!? But, I refuse to give up. I’m going to do it. This weekend I’m up to four miles….Eek.

I’ve also been reading the book “A Place of Yes: 10 Rules for Getting Everything You Want Out of Life” by Bethenny Frankel. You know Bethenny is my new obsession. I am completely obsessed with her. Sorry, G [Giuliana Rancic for newbie readers], you’re still my bestie, but currently I am in major like with Bethenny.

bethenny-frankel-a-place-of-yes

Anyways, this book has literally changed my life, and I highly recommend it. Bethenny has a way of writing like she is actually speaking TO YOU. I feel like we are sitting down drinking Skinnygirl Margaritas … I read and I’m all “If Bethenny can do it so can I!”

It’s very empowering, and I’d like to share more on why but I can’t at this time. I will though when the time is right. I’ve hit a rough patch but I’m staying positive and continuing to move forward on my goals.

I think that about catches you up on the last month of Jlee’s life. Tomorrow is my 34th birthday so let me share a fun photo from last year’s b-day trip to the Cubs game!

Celebrating my 33rd birthday at the Cubs game with dear friends last year.

Celebrating my 33rd birthday at the Cubs game with dear friends last year.

I am doing a Cubs outing this year but with work and babies schedules aren’t allowing us to go until the end of the month. I will share pics then.

I hope you all have had a great month! I’m going to take the next month to continue my work on Concrete Boots, but I will post occasionally if I can! Thanks for the support and Happy Mother’s Day to all my Mom readers and friends. xx

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Dream Big

4 Apr

Dream-Big1

You may have noticed that I haven’t been posting as much lately. It isn’t because I’m sad…or have nothing to say…or am too busy.

Sure, I’m busy, we all are. But I always make time for my blog because this blog is my livelihood. That said, I’ve recently taken a step back from blogging and I’d like to tell you why and share some dreams.

I attended a communication seminar (for real…apparently I need to work on “being professional”) about three weeks ago. The seminar instructor said something that has stuck with me…he said “If it’s ever gonna be it’s up to me!”

I know this is common sense…but sometimes it takes hearing something out loud to make you go AH-HA!

Light bulb

The light bulb was illuminated. I thought: I wrote this book that I constantly talk about and blog about and I seem to keep thinking it will somehow sell itself???

How is my book ever going to sell if I’m not actively trying to sell it? I have to contact publishers and submit queries and bios and chapters and don’t ask me why I haven’t done it….lots of reasons…time, fear, laziness…

I decided that very day at the seminar to take a break from my blog and make a goal of sending 5 queries by my birthday, May 8th.

This has been on my mind. I need to tell my readers,,,,but say what? Then, today I read an inspiring blog post a friend shared on Facebook:

22 Things Happy People Do Differently

#5  on the list hit me, again, like a 2nd AH-HA moment! #5: Dream Big!

This is from the post, which I strongly encourage you to read in its entirety.

Dream Big5. Dream big.

People who get into the habit of dreaming big are more likely to accomplish their goals than those who don’t. If you dare to dream big, your mind will put itself in a focused and positive state.

And I have been dreaming big lately. Real big. So here it is. I’m putting it out there; hoping my readers will support me and hoping I’ll come back to you in a month or so with some success….no matter how small it may be. Whatever it takes.

I posted in early 2013 some of my goals for this year. Read the post here.

I mentioned in the post that I want to run a ½ marathon this year. I’d like you all to know that I SIGNED UP FOR THE ROCK N ROLL ½ MARATHON IN CHICAGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is July 21st and I am so ecstatic. :) I don’t care what my time is; I just want to finish.

I also mentioned getting Concrete Boots published in 2013. I still have that goal – I’m going to dream BIG. But, my goal for the next month, as I said above, is to submit five queries.

What did Communication Dude say??? If it’s ever gonna be it’s up to me.

I’m also trying to launch Safari by Jlee, my hand-painted wine glasses you saw in this post. Since I’ve been painting the wine glasses I’ve realized how happy painting makes me…painting, writing; both are very therapeutic for me. And I don’t want to stop. I want to fill my days with painting and writing. And that’s what I’m trying to do. That’s what I’m going to do.

Here is a recent sample of a wine glass by Safari by Jlee:

green glass

I can’t share much on this yet because it’s still in the very early stages, but I’m going to dedicate the next month to trying to make a go of Safari by Jlee. If nothing happens then so be it; at least I’ll know I tried. And I’ll have a ton of gifts to give away. ;)

Enjoy your next month and know I’ll be back to let you know of my successes and failures…please use the comment section below to share your big dreams with me or to give me some inspiration!

I’ll continue to post to Jlee’s Blog’s FB page, so if you haven’t ‘liked’ me yet please do! :D

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Don’t Know What To Say….BINGO!

7 Mar

I heard this joke on the radio…and thought it was hilarious. Here’s my attempt at the joke…after a couple glasses of wine. LOL

Snapshot 1 (3-7-2013 11-12 PM)Bingo

What joke makes you crack up – but no one else seems to get it???

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Jlee Crafts?

2 Mar

I don’t think many would think of me as a crafty person.

Hell, I don’t even.

But, I decided to start crafting a bit because it is incredibly therapeutic.

I thought you might like to see what I’ve been working on :)

I made these snowman ornaments for Christmas and gave them out to my family.

I made these snowman ornaments for Christmas and gave them out to my family.

I made this snowman ornament for the Chiquita.

I made this snowman ornament for the Chiquita.

Then I made this picture frame.

Then I made this picture frame.

I ended up keeping the frame and adding to the collection.

I ended up keeping the frame and adding to the collection.

My wine glasses...omg don't you love? These are for sale!

My wine glasses…omg don’t you love? These are for sale!

Here's a stemless glass!

Here’s a stemless glass!

 

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What Are You Putting in Your Mouth?

18 Feb

I am a firm believer in vitamins. I feel like prescription medications are often over prescribed and over taken. I don’t claim to be an expert; however, I thought I would share my daily vitamin intake with you for a couple of reasons.

1. My friends always ask me for vitamin recommendations because they know I strongly believe in taking vitamins on a daily basis.

2. I recently began reading a blog a gal writes on her struggles with giving up alcohol and the death of her father. She shares her struggles with depression/anxiety and staying sober. She doesn’t want to be on any kind of anxiety medication but is suffering from disruptive panic attacks. I’ve never suffered from panic attacks, but I do suffer from social anxiety. In a recent post she asked readers for suggestions on different supplements to take to ease her symptoms. When responding to her I got to thinking – maybe others wonder this too?

I was on Prozac after the birth of the Chiquita when I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression. I give my doctors a big F as in fail when it came to my treatment because they left me out in the middle of the ocean lying on a piece of wood like Rose in Titanic. I knew something was wrong. I knew I wasn’t improving, and I continued to reach out for help. My doctor’s answer (yes, THIS doctor) was to continue to increase my Prozac.

Increase, increase, increase…more of anything is the recipe for success. Right? WRONG! Each time my meds were increased the more depressed and anxious I became. I was getting worse – going from not just wishing for God to take me in my sleep but actually driving on I355 and imagining my Mercedes-Benz smashed into the concrete barrier. Bam. It’s over. Relief….

This went on for months. When I hit rock bottom I fired all my doctors. I went off all prescription medication*. Cold turkey. That’s it. No more meds. *This is not recommended. It’s what I had to do for myself at the time to try to regain some control, but this approach can backfire.

My mom is a big believer in vitamins and supplements and urged me to at least – if nothing else – begin a vitamin regimen. This is not expert opinion or advice. I’m simply sharing with you what is now working for me to keep my depression/anxiety under control. I am now taking a small dose of Prozac which has helped to take the ‘edge’ off a bit. In addition to Prozac I also take these vitamins on a daily basis:

1. Carlson – The Very Finest Fish Oil

fish oilVitamins can really add up! If you have to pick only one vitamin to take I highly recommend fish oil.

Fish oil is a good source of Omega-3 fatty acids and a lot of research shows that fish oil supplements may help ease symptoms of depression. See Mayoclinic.com.

This fish oil is to be taken twice a day – preferably one in the AM and one in the PM. I’m not sure why, but I was told it works better in your body when taken at different times as opposed to taking two in the AM.

One thing many people complain about when taking fish oil is that you can burp up a nasty fish taste. This brand I am sharing with you has a yummy orange taste – you can even chew them – but I do not.

2. Co-Enzyme B-Complex By Now Foods

BAfter I quit all my medication I went to The Fruitful Yield for advice on vitamins/supplements to take to help ease my depression/anxiety symptoms.

On the weekends The Fruitful Yield has a licensed nutritionist on staff to answer any questions you have. I went on a Saturday, found the nutritionist and said, “I have Post Partum Depression. I’ve gone off all my medication. Tell me what to buy.”

This product was one that she recommended. Co-Enzyme Vitamin B supports a positive mood and improves energy. See Wellness Resources.com.

There are different forms of B-Vitamins and Co-Enzyme includes all of the Bs, which are B1, B2, B3, B5, B6 and B12.

I have actually recommended this product to a few people who now take this vitamin on a daily basis. I find that if I skip a day of Co-Enzyme B I am lethargic the next day. I definitely notice an increase in energy while on this supplement.

3. Vitamin D3 – 2000 IUs

DVitamin D deficiency, the result of low vitamin D intake and poor sun exposure, has been linked to depression and Type 2 diabetes. See article here.

Here is some research on the daily recommended doses of vitamin D from The Mayo Clinic.

Because I’m vitamin D deficient and I do suffer from depression/anxiety I take at least one vitamin (2,000 IUs) each day to be sure I’m getting an adequate dose.

From Mayo Clinic: For mood disorders, 400-800 IU daily or 100,000 IU weekly has been taken by mouth for up to one month to improve symptoms of depression associated with seasonal affective disorder.

4. L-Theanine By Now for Stress Management

L-theanineWhen I went off all my medication I was struggling with feelings of being overwhelmed at all times. One task in front of me left me feeling as if I was drowning in ‘things to do’. I found during this time that my anxiety was more prevalent than I had known.

I often had a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach and dreaded to leave the house unless I was going to familiar places…work, my grocery store, my mall, my Dunkin Donuts, etc. Going anywhere out of the ordinary made me extremely anxious and sick to my stomach.

The nutritionist at The Fruitful Yield explained that I absolutely had to get this supplement. She compared it to anti-anxiety meds and said that she often used this to control her own anxiety symptoms.

You can take one Vcap 1 to 2 times daily as needed. I like the ‘as needed’ because you don’t have to take it every day. You can simply take it when you’re feeling stressed or anxious.

Maybe it’s nothing honestly? Who knows. When I opted to go back on Prozac – a much smaller dose this time – I’ve not felt the need to take this as often anymore. I showed it to my new shrink who gave me the OK to take it with the Prozac.

I sort of had the feeling she was laughing inside since I know most doctors strongly believe in pharmaceuticals and don’t like their patients opting for “natural” methods. But, maybe she wasn’t. Maybe it was my anxiety. Either way, even if it’s all in my head, when I have that feeling like I want to crack skulls (thank you for that aphorism, Bethenny Frankel) I take one tablet and I feel better! :)

Bethenny is my new obsession....I still love my future BFF Giuliana, but I have a crush on Bethenny!

Bethenny is my new obsession….I still love my future BFF Giuliana, but I have a crush on Bethenny!

Please use the comments section to let me know of any vitamins/supplements that have helped you with depression/anxiety. There are other things I can recommend, like this Goji which I used to drink to help balance my hormones….

Goji

But, the above four vitamins/supplements I gave you are what I do take and recommend. Feel free to ask me any questions – I can give you responses on how these products affect me, however, PLEASE be sure to seek medical consulting before taking any and all vitamins/supplements with your physician.

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No Soup For You

11 Feb

My husband is not the soup Nazi but rather has become the baby Nazi. It began with me getting pregnant with the Chiquita. Even back then he questioned my ability to parent.

The Post Partum Depression only confirmed his fears that I ‘couldn’t handle it’. I think when PPD is talked about (which is too little in my opinion except when they throw a bunch of paperwork at you after your delivery…too bad when I actually said ‘Yes, I have PPD, now please help me’ they put their arms up in question like …now what do we do?) the focus remains – rightfully so – on the mother.

But, in my experience, the fathers are completely forgotten about. My poor husband not only had to deal with taking care of the Chiquita on the days I simply couldn’t do it but also had to wonder every day if I would actually come home from work. Many-a-days I told him I was going to drive into a concrete barrier.

I don’t even think some of my friends know the depths of the depression I was drowning from. I sheltered everyone. Yes, I said I had Post Partum Depression.  Yes, people knew that I had suffered from depression/anxiety since my teen years thanks to PMDD. But, the fact that I hated being a mother as much as I did had to be a secret. The fact that I prayed every night for God to take me in my sleep I couldn’t tell people. No one would understand.

I remember after I had the Chiquita I was like why do people have kids? Seriously. I couldn’t believe that anyone in their right mind would have more than one child. I felt like all the friends and celebrities who said how great being a mother was were lying. Like it was some big scam.

My husband tried to be supportive but my erratic behavior frightened him. I honestly don’t know if he questioned whether I would hurt our baby. I wouldn’t have and I never did.

I remember one time he was sitting in the dentist’s chair yanking the bib off during a cleaning saying he had to get out of there…trying to explain that his wife had Post Partum Depression and was home with the Chiquita…and that he didn’t know what I was going to do.

I had called him sobbing. He had been at work all day and then went to the dentist immediately after. I was on maternity leave and was still recovering from my near-death experience and was dealing with a sick infant (the Chiquita had gotten very sick on bad formula, but we didn’t know so had continued to feed it to her. Eventually we had to get X-rays done…this was all more than I could bear) who had spent the last six hours screaming. I thought I was going to lose it.

I put her in her bedroom and shut the door. She screamed and screamed and screamed. I was losing my mind. I was sobbing. I wanted to die. I called him in a complete panic and he raced home ….

Fast Forward.

Those devastating times are behind us. If you’ve been reading you know that I hit rock-bottom in February 2011. Yes, I admitted to and reached out for help for PPD in as early as September 2010 (two months after the birth of the Chiquita). But, because I wasn’t getting proper treatment my downward spiral continued until February 2011.

At that point I knew it was do or die. I fired all my doctors. I quit writing my blog. I quit drinking alcohol. I started intense therapy. I turned it around because I knew I would lose it all if I kept it up. It was terrifying. It was six months of recovery. Well, that’s an understatement. I’m still recovering to this day, but it was six months of Britney Spears head shaving therapy.

And here I am. I tell you my story because it helps me to forgive. Forgive who? I’m not sure. All I know is for a long time I was really angry. Why? Why did this happen to me?

I don’t know why.

A couple of months ago I started to yearn for another baby. People have asked me time and time again about Baby #2, and my response was this, which is still one of my top-rated posts. I really like this post as well ~ and I still agree with it. Nothing has changed…my husband is still old, my family is still complete, I’m still blessed with an amazing kiddo.

But now I wonder about trying it again. I feel like it would be different. I have a great team of doctors and therapists behind me. I’ve done it before so the whole ‘unknown’ no longer applies. I’m mentally better than I’ve ever been.

I didn't know how lucky I was because I was sick

I didn’t know how lucky I was because I was sick

I was truly robbed of the first few months of my daughter’s life. I was there physically for it all, but mentally, I was not. My brain was in trauma so I’ve actually blocked a lot of things out. I can’t recall many things, and I ache for that time back. I look at pictures, and I cry. I see mothers with their infants, and I feel so deprived.

I approached my doctor about it, almost expecting her to say it was a bad idea. My old doctor had suggested that I not have another child due to all my complications, both physically and mentally. My new doctor – who I love – was excited, supportive and very encouraging. She said that in her experience PPD is not nearly as bad the second time around. She would help me every step of the way and we would be proactive in my treatment.

I went home and told my husband. He said, “If you want to have another baby we can have another baby!”

Many of my friends and cousins are on babies #2 and #3 and here’s me still with one. Not that I’m looking to compete or feel like something is wrong with me, but it’s more that I’ve just officially moved into this next chapter of my life whereas right after the Chiquita was born many of my friends were still without child…and going out and doing all the things I used to do and was longing to do in my depressive state.

Life is completely different now. Life is no longer manicures and bars. It is going to bed at ten o’clock and watching The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. And you know what? That’s fine!

But then a few weeks later on a hard parenting day (those do happen!) he said, “There’s no way we’re having another baby.”

I started fighting with him about it but then left it alone for a while.

I brought it back up this weekend. He looked nervous and uncomfortable. He said that he doesn’t want to have another baby.

I felt hurt and betrayed – he said he wanted another one. What happened?

Was it because I got angry with the Chiquita for hitting me with Mr. Bear and yelled, “If you hit me with him again I’ll cut off his arm!” to which Hubs said, “Hey now…geez…that’s a little Mommy Dearest…”

Mommie_Dearest

Oops, it is?

He must think I’m a bad mother. He’s told me before he sees me get flustered sometimes. I do yell a lot – Italians are yellers. We always agree that we like it two against one.

But why? Why was it yes and now no?

“I can’t go through it again,” he said, suddenly, with my persistence to answer me. He looked into my eyes and said, “The Post Partum. I just can’t do it again. I can’t risk it.”

I wanted to cry but said nothing. What’s there to say? That night I cried in bed after he fell asleep. What am I supposed to do? I’m supposed to support my husband. We are a team. We tell each other the good, the bad and the ugly.

Yes, this is ugly. Yes, this hurts. But I respect his opinion, and I’m going to choose to thank God every day for the Chiquita and will continue to enjoy all the beautiful bundles of joy around me. Not everyone is meant to be a mother. I’d hate to think that I’m not meant to be a mother, but in this case, I think one is truly a blessing.

My blessing

My blessing

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Erotica and a Batman Costume

4 Feb

draft_lens19493882module159273265photo_13376893000_a_Nothing in my life is ever normal. What is normal? I don’t know, but seriously, ask my friends. They always tell me how much drama I have in my life.

I’m like a Real Housewife except I don’t want this drama! I’m not on a reality TV show, I’m not rich and I’m just not that exciting.

But drama always seems to fall into my lap. Maybe it’s because I’m sensitive? Or reactive? Or Italian?

Some time ago I took on a writing coach. I wrote briefly about him; how I felt so professional cool saying “my writing coach”. My relationship with my writing coach was short-lived.

Let me start at the beginning.

I found him on Craig’s List in August. We agreed to meet at Panera Bread. I did check him out and he seemed legit.

He texts he’s running a bit late.
I text: I am here, seated right when u come in, pink laptop :) [side note: you know I have a pink laptop.]

He comes in a bit flustered and doesn’t look anything like I had imagined, but really how often does that happen where the person looks exactly as you envisioned?

He apologizes for running late. “I wanted to catch a ride with my mom, and I had to wait for her to put her make-up on.”

Wtf.

“Um…OK,” I respond; wondering things like does he have a car? Does he live in his mother’s basement?

My second thought was: I’m pretty sure he’s gay. Which is fine. You know how I love the gays.

We get to work, and I have to say he taught me many great things worthy of my money for that afternoon. By the end I was even fond of him.

At one point his mother came up to our table. She was this adorable tiny older lady. She reminded me of a Golden Girl. She was definitely a Blanche. Her make-up was flawless. Her silver hair was pulled up in a beautiful bun with wispy pieces falling by her eyes. I thought, Wow, this is what I’m going to look like when I’m old! No running around in curlers and robes for me…

He introduces me. Mom and I shake hands and she eyes me telling me its soooo nice to meet me. Emphasizing the so.

“Very nice to meet you, too.”

I wondered what she was thinking. Probably that I’m a nice and pretty girl and she wished her son would take a liking to me. Everyone loves an Italian girl!

We wrap up and agree to meet again.

The next day, Sunday, he texts me: nice meeting you! Did you sign into LinkedIn yet?
Me: You too! No :( I can’t get anything done at home. Will try to tonite or tomorrow.
WC [Writing Coach]: Ok! Wrote all weekend…tired but in a good way.
Me: Awesome! Good job! :) I’m jealous.
WC: Need 500 word by tomorrow 9am!! An early morning writing session, I think! ;)

And that’s how it began.
Numerous texts and emails back and forth. I sent WC a couple chapters of my book. He loved what I had but also gave me constructive criticism. I was beyond thrilled. Like the time I was interviewed and suddenly saw myself at the Oscars, my mind again went racing.

He was like the perfect BFF and I’ve always wanted a gay BFF, I mean, all the celebs have one! So I started referring to him as my GBFF. I’d send my girls an email: So GBFF is home watching All My Children right now. Oh my God, he’s soo gay, and I’m soo lucky to have a gay BFF!

Every girl needs a Stanford!

Every girl needs a Stanford!

The girls were equally excited because when you’re married there is nothing better than a gay BFF. You have someone to shop with, you get a man’s opinion on your shoes/outfit/hair/make-up and yet there is no drama – you don’t have to worry about any sex happening. They are always painfully honest but without getting into trouble. If your husband told you that you should put more Vitamin A on that stretch mark you’d probably break his face. But, if your GBFF tells you – OMG, you better fucking listen!

I mean, it’s seriously perfection.

The texting fun continues – and I love that it’s all so innocent! I mean, he’s my GBFF right?!?

WC: Clearing my desk for labor day weekend—getting up early—coffee, writing, pool and reruns of murder she wrote
WC: Plus shopping!
Me: Sounds perfecto!
WC: Writing now & watching general hospital…jax is back in town!
WC: Ha ha!

[I mean, dude is totally gay right?????]

The girls are pressing me for what GBFF looks like. They are imagining Bethenny’s wedding planner.

bethenny-getting-married-hero-bridal-tips

This is when shit gets weird.

Me: BTW are you on FB?
WC: No…LinkedIn is enuf!
WC: Do you want me to look you up?
WC: On Fb?
Me: Lol! [FYI, if I ever don’t know how to respond to a text I write LOL, so if you know me and get that text from me….ummm….I don’t know what you’re talking about.]
WC: Naked, drunk or other compromising pics?
WC: :)
WC: Like Prince Harry!!!

[I’m reading the first text, then the smiley face, and thinking wtf, where is he going with this? I’m so confused. Then when he follows up with Prince Harry (who had just had the naked Vegas scandal) so I was like OMG, of course GBFF has seen Harry’s toosh!]

Me: lol lol no! [Still a bit confused]
Me: My friends wanted to see a pic of my “writing coach”.
WC: Check your email

[WC sends me an [financial] article he was interviewed for which included a picture of him.]
Me: :) great article! Wayyy over my head! Nic pic too!!
WC: Of course I can do the “tee-shirt, jeans and clogs with messy hair and stubble”, if that’s what the “client” wants—what are your girlfriends “into”??

[Ok, What. The. Fuck. I don’t respond because I’m like really confused at this point. My brain is going – wait, is GBFF not gay? I’m really confused right now. 10 minutes later – with no response from me – WC texts.]

WC: Just joking!!!

[Here’s me…Phew…he’s only joking! But still a little like wtf I respond Hahaha instead of my usual LOL for ‘seriously what the fuck are you talking about’.]

Me: Hahaha!
WC: If the “client” wants me to look ½ way between a vampire and a fireman, well, I think I can do that too…

[OK what is with all this quoting of “client”….what is going on right now? Now I’m freaking out. I’m perspiring. I don’t think GBFF is gay. I run to the bathroom. I email the girls. We are all in agreement that shit just got weird. Really weird.]

Because I have no idea what to say I finally respond: Did I offend you? I’m confused.

WC: No! I’m joking! I sometimes feel like a male hooker when I tutor—like you…you’re a hot housewife…I come in and you pass me cash…we have our talk…
WC: I move on to the next…I feel like a “high priced call girl” at times. My guy friends are envious of my job.

[If that shit doesn’t have you going wtf….]

WC: Just a joke! Like asking “what’s your genre?”
WC: Some of these ladies are into erotica so then I guess I dress like a fireman or something for them…and I read their “stories”. What a job! :)

OK, let this “hot” housewife get this off my back. I’m gonna get ghetto here, so imagine me saying this in my black girl voice.

images

Who in the fuck do you think you are calling me 1. A “hot” housewife like that’s all I am, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I am a full time office manager.

2. I did not write a “story” – I wrote a fucking novel and this fucking novel is going to sell and get turned into a Lifetime movie complete with Rob Lowe playing the antagonist and a “hot” housewife – Katie Holmes anyone? – playing me.

3. I am not sitting in a basement writing some make-believe erotica story because I am some bored housewife looking for attention and desperately craving sex. Further, please repeat #2, I did not write some little fucking story…I wrote a book mother fucker. This book is going to be a best seller. Fucking Oprah is going to be talking about this shit.

4. Dressing up in Batman, fireman costumes and reading these stories, what the fuck are you talking about? This is the craziest shit I’ve ever heard! I’m beyond confused right now and a little a lot offended.

Adam West was kind of hot....

Adam West was kind of hot….

5. This is serious shit to me. I did not hire you because I was looking for anything other than help with my writing. I never in any way suggested otherwise.

6. Maybe this is a game…to him and his mom….maybe they scour Craig’s List looking for attractive young girls to take advantage of! They wanted to lure me to their home and kill me, Oh my God! Like the Bates Motel!

7. I’ve never felt so demeaned in my whole life….I finally say as I break down in tears.

No more ghetto, I’m actually crying and saying how serious I am about my book, and now I will never know if he even really liked my book or if the whole time he was just trying to get in my pants dressed up as fucking Elmo or some shit.

I traded a few texts with WC after, but knew I could never trust him again. I’ve not searched for another writing coach, and I’ve not worked on my book after that. I know I need to get back to it and not be dramatic and feel sorry for myself, but the whole experience just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Like who the fuck does this happen to, I don’t even get it?

My friends and I did have a laugh about it while sipping cocktails as my girl said, “When don’t you have drama? That’s crazy!”

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Top 25 Funny Moms…Maybe This Year

25 Jan

ImageProxyLast year I was a part of the Top 25 Funny Mom Blogs. Read the post here.

I honestly don’t remember how I fared but I know it wasn’t anything to write home about. I was still proud though.

After giving up writing during the Post Partum Depression I suffered from after the birth of the Chiquita I was excited to be featured on the Circle of Moms site and be a part of this fun competition.

The truth is, even though it is a competition the writing community is very supportive of each other. In fact, one of my blogging friends, who is also a mother, who I’ve written about before – Menopausal Mother – well, she actually has a shot at this. I probably don’t. Not at the Top 25. Just being realistic.

But, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to make a solid effort. I still want your votes. Please. I’m desperate and begging. If I could make it into the Top 50 – that’s my goal for this year – the Top 50! – I would be so darn excited. If I do this….I’ll share with you a picture of my boobs. Wordless Wednesday – Jlee’s Boobs!

Just kidding.

Unless it gets you to vote.

So here’s the deal. It’s so easy a Cave Man can do it. Just click this link: Vote Jlee’s Blog. And while you’re at it scroll up the list and vote for Menopausal Mother. We gotta keep her in the Top 25. Click on Menopausal Mother to vote for her. You can vote once/day every day until February 13th.

TO VOTE FOR JLEE'S BLOG!

TO VOTE FOR JLEE’S BLOG!

And if you’re not already – you can follow me on Twitter @jlee5879blogger or on Facebook!

Thank you so much to everyone who reads, votes, comments, shares and likes me. Remember, my self-esteem depends on YOU! ;)

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2012 in Review

8 Jan

Hello friends and welcome to 2013!

2012 was a pretty good year for me as I finally fully conquered the Post Partum Depression I suffered from after the birth of the Chiquita. I also revitalized Jlee’s Blog and started a fan page (do you ‘like’ me yet? If not, you can at http://www.facebook.com/jleesblog).

The end of 2012 proved slightly difficult as I suffered a bit from the blues in addition to some unfortunate family circumstances that arose before the holidays. Things aren’t 100% back in order, but I’m trying really hard to get myself back on track – complete with joining the YMCA in my area!

Our Y has a track and while I don’t love running, I do enjoy running on a track vs. a treadmill so it’s been sooo good for me to be back out there running again. And yesterday I even surprised myself by climbing the wall ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP! I have never done that before. Ever. In my entire life. What an accomplishment for me!

Photo courtesy of Chicago YMCA

Photo courtesy of Chicago YMCA

I have two goals for 2013.

One is to finally publish Concrete Boots. I know, I know, I keep saying this is the year, but I truly believe 2013 IS the year. Something about the 3 in it…like the 3rd time’s the charm since I did complete this manuscript in 2010.

Two is to run a 1/2 marathon. Yes, yes me. I am not a sporty girl, but I do like to stay fit and workout as I said above, and while I have no aspirations of running a marathon I do feel a 1/2 marathon is doable. It’s going to take a lot of work on my end – both physical and mental – because honestly if I complete this I will be so stoked. I bet birthing the Chiquita was easier for me than running this 1/2 marathon will be!

So, here’s to it in 2013 for all of us! What are your goals for 2013?

Also, in getting back on track…unfortunately Jlee’s Blog suffered a bit at the end of 2012 while I was just trying to make it through so I’m hoping to get my writing spirit back because I miss sharing my thoughts and I miss you all.

WordPress.com put together this funky little report for Jlee’s Blog that I’d like to share with you.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 44,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 10 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

Click to see the complete report featuring my top posts of 2012, what countries are viewing Jlee’s Blog, the most searched terms on Google and many more neat stats! Thanks as always for reading me!

Cheers to a wonderful year!

Cheers-to-a-New-Year

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