Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary. Instead I am now living in a one-bedroom apartment. Half of my belongings were dumped at Goodwill. My car got keyed.
You want to feel bad for yourself. You want to say WTF did I do wrong in this world that this is my reality? Then I remind myself that there are people with far worse problems, real problems, and then I want to cry some more for being so insensitive to those people’s problems.
Does this sound nuts?
It makes me feel nuts. I must be hormonal I tell myself. I rented out my house. Yesterday I went there to drop off a key. It was strange walking up to the door and ringing the doorbell at my own house. I got back in the car and wanted to cry.
All the stress of trying to sell that house – the place I had a family and made a home – then the relief of renting it, then the anxiety of moving across town to a new – different – place. It’s just too much for a Taurus seeking stability.
I finally cry this morning. I hate crying. I tell myself I’m too strong to cry. I’ve come too far. Plus I’m an ugly crier.
My Dunkin doesn’t even taste good this morning. :(
I read and reread: “…I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead” –Philippians 3:13. And I try to focus on the good.