No one likes change. I actually despise change. One of the characteristics of a Taurus (April 20 – May 20) is our fear of the unknown. And change is unknown.
But change is a part of life. With each day comes new growth and change. Some is good – and some is not so good.
In times when changes in my life have made me distraught or anxious I do what many women do.
I change my hair.
In 2007 after my beach wedding I chopped my hair off. I let it grow and grow for the wedding (as much as my fine thin hair would grow anyways) and then bam. Off with your head. I couldn’t take it anymore. I remember sitting in the chair in the salon and saying CUT IT OFF! I lightened it as well!
In 2010 after the birth of the Chiquita – as my post partum depression was settling in and fogging up my brain – I went to the store and bought the darkest brown hair color I could find. (I was once told to never dye your hair black!) I remember having this medium-length dark blonde hair but inside I felt so icky. It didn’t fit. I wanted dark hair because I felt dark inside.
And then a little over a year after my depression expression I went to salon and said: Lighten Me Up! I remember my hair stylist saying: I don’t know if we should go that light. Your hair might fall out.
Almost in tears I said: I can’t look at this hair anymore. It reminds me of bad times, and I’m happy now. I need to get rid of this hair so I can see a lighter and happier me.
And now, here we are again, another change looming and I headed to the salon. This time I went for a chop (we took 5.5 inches off!!!) and a color change from the dark blonde I’m so familiar with to a dark brown.
As I write this I’m looking in the mirror on my desk. I think I like it and then I don’t like it and then I look at these pictures and go do I like it? It’s a bit shocking to me.
I need to express my changes in a big away. My whole life, my whole existence!, is changing…I can’t possibly go about it looking the same.
I needed to see a new me. I needed to see that I’ll be OK, and I can keep on keeping on. And when things turn around again maybe I’ll try a platinum blonde look??? ;)
What do you do during times of change?