Tag Archives: Jessica Simpson heels

Jlee’s Review – #VSFashionShow

4 Dec

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In my next life I really hope I come back as a Victoria’s Secret Model. I want to wear big angel wings and walk down a runway in 6” heels with an amazing bod while Rihanna sings in really bitchin pearl shades.

OMG RiRi looks soo cool!

OMG RiRi looks soo cool!

I mean, can I say I’m just a little envious sitting here in my PJs and glasses eating a brownie while I watch these gorgeous women – some of them even mothers! – strut down the runway in pieces of art for clothing. I imagine myself blowing a kiss to the audience as I head backstage to drink champagne and get a picture with the Biebs.

Omg, where did I go wrong in my life?

I’m just kidding. I mean, sort of. Though I do sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I were prettier. Or if I had a better personality. But instead I was a born a hairy bad-tempered Italian with major anxiety. #awesome

I’ve watched the VS Fashion Show every year since 2005, the year Tyra retired, except last year. Last year I was just coming out of the PPD, and I didn’t have it in me to sit and watch these perfect specimens…the freaky hot chicks with big boobs, concave stomachs and seemingly good personalities.

This year I was up to it though. And as always, the 2012 show did not disappoint. Victoria’s Secret always adopts the “go big or go home” mentality and this year was no exception. I found the show to be entertaining as always, but it’s not like it left me wanting to race out to Victoria’s Secret to buy some lingerie because let’s face it, that would be depressing.

Some quick thoughts on the 2012 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show:

  • My favorite angel is Miranda Kerr.

Victorias-Secret-Fashion-Show-2012-Miranda-Kerr-465x697

  • RiRi’s “Diamonds” performance was amazeballs. It gave me chills.
    Rihanna+2012+Victoria+Secret+Fashion+Show+_W-Sg9hP1Kel
  • Bruno Mars and the Biebs also performed. According to CBSnews.com the Biebs was cozying up with Hungarian model Barbara Palvin after the show!

    He looks like a white Kanye in this outfit.

    He looks like a white Kanye in this outfit.

  • Alessandra Ambrosio has the honor of wearing the $2.5 million “Fantasy Bra” created by London Jewelers.

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  • Erin Heatherton is a fellow Chi-Town girl and was actually born and raised in Skokie, IL.

Erin+Heatherton+2012+Victoria+Secret+Fashion+K_nSt3NP8zql

I don’t really have anything else to report….I mean, it’s hot chicks walking around with music playing….I’m pretty sure you know what it’s all about. Did you watch? What did you think? Who is your fave Angel?

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Why I [Sometimes] Wish I Was a Lesbian

15 Jul

We’ve all heard of the book by Dr. John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and while I’ve never actually read the entire book there are times when I look at my husband with such annoyance and aggravation that I think to myself: I wish I was a lesbian!

I’m sure lesbians have problems in their relationships, too, but I imagine that they at least ‘get’ each other, as opposed to men and women - like how my husband does things and I shake my head and think wtf are you doing? I don’t get how his brain works!

For one, why is it impossible for men to watch the children AND keep a clean house? I manage to do it, why can’t he?

I suppose I should explain where this vent is coming from, and thank goodness he doesn’t read my blog anymore because he would be pissed to know I blogged my frustrations about him for all to read, but seriously what else am I to do?

I could bitch and moan about it but it’s never going to change because he’s the way he is, and I’m the way I am. I nag him enough as it is, so some things I just need to let go. I’m not good at letting things go though and if it just eats at me I’ll be ready to seriously consider leaving him for a woman, because, for realz, what’s the point of leaving him for another man?

My husband is a great man. Let me give you the reasons.

- He puts up with me, and if you read Jlee’s Blog you might wonder how any man could put up with me, and I actually had a blog commenter say that once. She said my husband must be a saint to put up with me. LOL

- He puts up with four other women, besides me. That would be my two bonus daughters, our daughter (the Chiquita) and his ex-wife. That’s a lot of females for one poor dude to deal with. There are days he wants to run away from us all.

- He is very helpful with our daughter. He has never once said I can’t go meet a friend; he always encourages me to have time with my girls.

Isn’t this the most beautiful bag you’ve ever seen????

- He has never ever told me not to buy that pair of Jessica Simpson boots or Juicy Couture bag. When I told him last night that I found a Marc Jacobs bag at Nordstrom that I would love love love to buy he didn’t even freak out when I told him the bag costs $1,400! Yeah, I wish, and I’m pretty sure he knows I wouldn’t blow our hard-earned money on that, even if I’d love to. Having a child makes you so darn practical!

But, now on to what drives me to think of lesbianism.

- No sex is enough sex. It’s like they always want more. I can’t keep up. Even if we did it every single day he would then want it twice a day. I’m destined to fail.

- My idea of clean and his idea of clean are wayyyy different.  Like why do men let the dishes pile up in the sink? The dishes are much easier to wash right now than 48 hours later when the food is hard and crusty on the plate. And what’s with shavings on my bathroom sink?

- If he does manage to wash the dishes or clean up toys he needs a cheerleader. He’s so proud of himself. Look what I did! I want to roll my eyes and say I do that every single day! But, instead, like a good doting wife I say, “Oh my gosh, honey, I’m sooo lucky to have you. You are the best husband!”

Good work! Now go clean the house bitch!

This morning he did let me sleep in until 9 am – let me talk him up again – and when I got up a large iced coffee from Dunkin Donuts was waiting for me on the counter (he’s such a saint!), but I still couldn’t help but wonder if I was a lesbian and came home at 3:30 in the morning from a bachelorette party what could I expect of my Sunday morning?

- Would my wife let me sleep until noon?

- Would my wife have washed all the dishes and cleaned up the toys?

- Would my wife have put the Chiquita to sleep in her clothes?

- Would my wife have thrown the Chiquita at me after she woke me at 9 am and allowed me deal with cleaning the house, starting laundry, cleaning a poopy diaper, making all the beds?

- Would my wife have tried to hug me when she sensed my aggravation over the lack thereof work that was done yesterday in my absence?

- Would my wife have asked me how many women hit on me last night and wanted me to consistently replay the tale of the Guida with the cigarette breath hitting on me when I was so obviously not into the conversation?

- Which then brings me to wouldn’t the Guida have picked up on my ‘not interested’ signals and left me alone instead of continuing to try talk to me?

Snooki and JWoww – Secret Lovers?

It’s not that I’m wanting to leave my husband, or wanting become a lesbian, but I just wonder what my life would be like with a wife. I would think that it would be pretty cool to have a wife to handle day-to-day life but maybe I’m not giving men enough credit? Men have a lot of pressure to be the man of the house, the breadwinners,,,and other things I’m not privy to since I have a female brain.

Put the old ball-n-chain to work!

And as I finish writing this post right now Hubs is running upstairs to get the Chiquita up from her nap. Aww I really am one lucky girl to have him for my husband. :)

Now if only I could have a wife, too! ;)

What do you think readers?
Do you ever want a wife?
What do my men readers think, do you ever want a husband?

This post is dedicated with love to my husband and my soulmate, Brett. We really do make a great team, and I love you.

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I Think Someone Needs More Prozac….

16 Nov

So I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday which has caused some friends to worry a bit.

One of my closest friends, also a new mom, checked in on me this morning (for that which I am very grateful) to see how I am feeling today, you know after the hormones have hopefully stabilized a bit.

Let me add there was no alcohol involved in my breakdown, as I have dubbed myself the “Drama Drinker” courtesy of my Urban Dictionary Word of The Day for November 15th.  I am now on restriction because of another incident involving me talking too much…(See JUST STOP TALKING!!!)

My response was such that I know will cause some hate mail, but honestly, I need to get it out and will be discussing this with my counselor as well so thanks, but your advice is really not needed.  I feel people (women) need to be aware that motherhood is not all the glamour and glitz that Jessica Simpson is hoping for walking down the street in her 4 inch heels.  I, too, was there merely two years ago obsessing about a Juicy Couture diaper bag and accessorizing my belly and heels.

Stylish Jessica just wait until baby comes....

Stylish Jessica just wait until baby comes….(Photo courtesy of http://elitestv.com/pub/2011/10/wait-jessica-simpson-is-pregnant)

Motherhood is tough, tougher than anything I’ve ever done in my life, and even though my Post Partum Depression is behind me, I still struggle to this day.  I am not perfect like so many women pretend to be.  And let’s be honest, in our society mothers are pooped on!  Forget something?  Automatically mom’s fault.  Angry about something?  Mom’s fault!  Let’s get something straight right now.  EVERYTHING WILL BECOME YOUR FAULT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

I digress.  I’m not in a good place right now.  I haven’t blogged because it’s been a tough couple weeks for me with the passing of Dexter followed by some family problems I can not share at this time.  I’ve been trying to keep my head above water but I guess it all hit me yesterday as I stood in the kitchen feeling like the words “YOU SUCK” were written across my face by the looks from both my husband and my daughter.

So here’s a snip-it of a crazy woman’s response to “How are you doing today?”:

“Hi there,

I’m feeling OK today.  Carolyn gave me good advice this morning: “Fake it till you make it.”  She said that she learned this in a single’s class at church about love and how the feeling of love disappears.  She said to DO acts to love which will in turn BRING feelings of love.

I mean, of course I love Eva.  I know I do.  But my feelings last night of such strong hate and anger towards Brett and Eva really scared me.

What’s happened is that lately she’s been rejecting me.  I’m not sure why.  I don’t know if it’s her age, or if I haven’t been as present lately (this month has been tougher for me than I realized with the family stuff and having feelings of “I will definitely be a failure because both my mom and my aunt were failures as mothers” not that I’m saying they were/are failures, but you know what I mean, it’s always mom’s fault.)

I think it’s because I take things to heart, you know.  So all this family drama has had me thinking that there is no hope that I will raise a normal, successful and happy daughter, it just won’t happen.  She will be forever depressed and angry just like me because that’s the way we are in my family.  It’s a vicious cycle.

I have to stop this way of thinking.

As I was saying she’s been rejecting me lately and it breaks my heart.  Obviously you know about the rejection from my before blog post about how she always cries when she leaves the G-ma’s houses, The Green Eyed Monster.  It’s annoying and it hurts.  But, lately, as in the last week, she has wanted nothing to do with me.  At first I just chalked it up to her being a fickle 16-month-old who is being a daddy’s girl at the moment.  The way Brett is with Eva is truly amazing!  He’s the greatest dad, so patient and loving.  How can I even compete?

Fast asleep on Daddy…Eva IS a daddy’s girl

Then I started getting depressed about it.  I was crying and all I wanted to do on Sunday was sleep.  I didn’t want to play with her or anything, just sleep.

Then Monday, probably sensing my distance, she withdrew even more from me, and I started getting angry.
Don’t you know I love you?

Don’t you know I would do anything for you?

Last night after sitting in gridlock for 45 minutes to pick up a child that wanted nothing to do with me I got down right pissed off.  I started thinking that some people are not meant to have children, and I must be one of those people.  Now what I am going to do?  I am stuck with a husband and a child that hate me.  In 20 years Eva will be in counseling talking about having a mother who didn’t love her enough, didn’t do enough for her, how miserably I’ve failed, and how she wishes she was born to Sabrina’s (her made-up/possible someday BFF) mother.

There’s no hope.
I never should have had a child.

This morning I wake up knowing I was PMSing bad last night – and because of my PMDD I was in a very bad place last night wondering about the girl I knew in high school whose mother had killed herself and wondering how she feels about it today and if she’s angry and depressed, because is being there more important?  Even if you’re there as a failure?

Wow, right?  I know.  Maybe a glass of wine or some Greygoose would have settled me down a bit.  But, I’m on restriction.

In seriousness, I am sensing a pattern here.  I feel like I wasn’t loved enough as a child, and I have a fear of abandonment.  I feel like my mom at times was very cold, not a lot of hugs or I-love-you’s were flying around my house.  I’ve made a conscious effort to hug Eva and tell her I love her all the time, but as she has started to reject me I’m seeing myself pulling away which is in turn making her reject me even more, and it’s a vicious cycle.  Could this be a repeat of my childhood?

At 8 pm I knew it was time to go to sleep and to end my horrible day.

So am I feeling better today?  I feel that God has given me the gift of Eva for a reason.  HE believes in me even if I don’t believe in myself.  I will continue to try, and I will continue to fail.  But I WILL continue.

I’m not missing this….

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The Mom-Guilt List

9 Sep

If you’re a mom who doesn’t suffer from mom guilt then I applaud you. Better yet, I raise a glass of wine to you. You have managed to not go BaNaNaS, you’ve Found Balance and inner peace. Cheers.

If you’re like the rest of us you’re just a hot mess hoping to get through the day. Like there aren’t enough things to worry about, here’s why our brains go a mile a minute:

  1. Does my kid have matching socks?
  2. Did I remember to pack lunches?
  3. Wait, who’s picking the Chiquita up?
  4. I forgot to take a Xanax today, God help us.
  5. If I catch this red light I will be late to work.
  6. Sh*t, peed through the diaper and no time for a bath. WIPES rule!
  7. Did I let the dog out?
  8. Did I feed the dog?
  9. Does the dog have water?
  10. Did my kid have water?
  11. When was the last time I had sex with my husband? :/
  12. Why am I up from 2 am to 4 am?
  13. What the hell are we going to have for dinner? Sandwiches.
  14. My car is on E, please let me get to ______ (wherever I’m rushing to)
  15. Am I bad mom because I _______ (whatever dumb thing I did today)
  16. Keeping up with the Kardashians or Barney? Kardashians. Sorry.
  17. Diapers or new heels? Damn diapers.
  18. When was the last “Girls Night” I made it to?
  19. Have I really been reading ______ (insert book) for a year?
  20. I had no idea those shoes were too small. Squished toes. Oops.

And what about Dad-Guilt? Do dad’s ever feel guilty? Hahahahahahaha

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1 Way Everyday…

1 Apr

 

I am very inspired by a website that I stumbled across today on Craig’s List. I wanted to take a moment to spread the word about this blog and to “pay it forward” by sharing this link with others. Please click the link to check it out: 

http://1wayeveryday.blogspot.com/ 

While I love my blog (and so do all of you),  my purpose in writing it is to provide myself with some form of “free” therapy and expression. I have lots of thoughts, lots of feelings, lots of rants…and this is the perfect way for me to get them out there. But, do you see what this is about?  It’s all about ME. And while I am in love with myself – of course – I am truly amazed that someone would take the time to start a blog (a daily blog at that!) about helping other people. 1 Way Everyday Blogger – I commend you. Thank you for stepping up. Thank you for taking the time to make all of us a little more humble and aware of what the important things in life should be. 

Not my Juicy Couture purse that I SO love…

Not my closet full of designer clothes and Jessica Simpson heels…

Not my Chanel shades that exude “awesomeness” every time I wear them… 

Now, hold on! I’m not all bad. For those of you who know me well, you know that I have two causes which inspire me. Not that all causes don’t inspire me, but I’d like to take a moment to tell you about MY two causes. 

1.) The Alzheimer’s Association
-and-
2.) Animal Rights 

I have supported animal rights for a long time. No, I’m not a vegetarian. But, I hate to hear of animals being mistreated or abused. Animals are innocent creatures here to love us. I have two cats and one dog. If my house was on fire I would run in to rescue them. My one cat – Kelsey – is actually a special needs cat. When no one would take him, I took him in and have given him a comfy home and lots of love. 

I’ve rescued three other cats and am currently volunteering at the Cat Guardians Shelter in Lombard, IL. (http://www.catguardians.org/) Cat Guardians is a local no-kill shelter. I meet so many amazing cats and kittens in search of new homes. It breaks my heart to hear stories of people deciding one day that they just don’t want their cat anymore. Poor Ozzie, a recently adopted fat cat, was left on the shelter door step with a note that said “My name is Ozzie.” Ozzie is big and fat and furry and sooo loving. I’m so happy he has found a new home. I am humbled to be a part of this organization. I wish I had more time and money to give. 

The other cause for which I am a strong supporter of is the National and the Greater Illinois Alzheimer’s Association (http://www.alz.org). I recently became a supporter of this cause because my grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s one year ago. My grandma turns 69 on April 3rd. It is devastating to watch a loved one suffer from any disease. For me, watching my grandma, who was like a 2nd mother to me, slowly lose her mind is incredibly disheartening. And, believe me, this old Irish woman still has a lot of life left in her! But, sadly, she’s disappearing on us. We treasure each and every moment with her. My papa is her caregiver. He sees changes in her every day. He is doing an amazing job of taking care of her, and I am so proud of him! I will forever give to and support the Alzheimer’s Association in honor of my Grandma Bonnie. (I love you, Grandma!) 

So, upon stumbling on the 1 Way Everyday Blog I decided I wanted to take a few minutes to talk about what inspires me. And I wanted to take a moment to remind all of you to be thankful and inspired as well. Please, check out http://1wayeveryday.blogspot.com/ and become a supporter of the charity that inspires you! 

God Bless~

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Were you Raised in a Barn, Eugene Levy?

5 Mar

Image courtesy of Yahoo Images

 

Speaking of etiquette, here’s another pet peeve I have.  Every morning I pull into my work parking lot at approximately 7:58 a.m.  At the same time a man that works in my building pulls up – either seconds before or seconds after.  He parks his black Volkswagen Jetta in an open space.  The back end is severely scratched.  He exits his car, and he’s wearing jeans, loafers and a black leather jacket every day.  He holds his black leather brief case and crosses the street, just a step ahead of me (our parking lot is across the street from our office building). 

As we’re crossing the street, Eugene Levy (that’s what I’ll call him since he looks like him) kicks it into high gear.  He’s practically all out sprinting across the street!  Well, me, first of all, not in any hurry to get to work and second, wearing 4” faux snake skin Jessica Simpson heels and abso-frickin-lutely not going to dart across the street Carrie Bradshaw style (show off!) walk my normal pace. 

So Eugene Levy actually gets to the door about four seconds ahead of me.  Clearly aware that I’m just behind him he opens the door and walks in letting the spring-back door literally slam shut right in front of my face.  Holding my purse and lunch in my left hand and my coffee in my right hand I stare at the door.  I think ‘F*ck you, Eugene Levy!’  I open the door and go about my day. 

Eugene Levy works in the law firm two doors down from my office.  Giving him the benefit of the doubt I think, ‘Well, maybe he has a big case,’ or ‘maybe he was in a hurry.’ 

Whatever. 

But this exact scenario transpires the next four days in a row.  By the fourth day I’m completely appalled.  I want to scream down the hall “DOUCHE BAG!” and then run at him and pummel his ass to the ground!  I imagine standing over him with my 4” snake skin heel pressed firmly against his forehead. 

I say, “Now you won’t forget to hold the door open for a lady!”  Then I flip my hair extensions off my shoulder and add in for good measure “F*CKER!” as I walk away. 

Obviously I don’t do this – and not because I couldn’t take the pussy – but more so because I don’t think my boss would appreciate this unfortunate ass beating occurring right outside our office.  I sense there would be other repercussions as well, i.e., assault charges? 

I’m sure Eugene Levy would press charges, too.  He just seems like that type of guy.  He couldn’t take his ass beating like a man.  The Naperville Police would come arrest me.  Our office building is a fish bowl – basically a “strip mall” inside a building with huge windows surrounding me and everyone else.  People would be camped outside our office with popcorn and sodas watching the pregnant girl get hand-cuffed.  Eugene Levy would be crying inside his office, but then he would eye me and give me the finger. 

‘F*cking Eugene Levy!’  I would think. 

As I’m wasting away in a prison cell I look around me.  Funny I’m not the only pregnant girl.  But I am the only girl decked out with hair extensions, make-up, polished nails, kick ass jeans and a Juicy Couture bag (and don’t forget the snake skin Jessica Simpson’s). 

I call my husband. 

“Why are you in jail?”  He asks. 

“I beat the shit out of Eugene Levy.”  I respond, feeling a sense of pride, but also a bit embarrassed at my bad temper. 

Not to mention, what in the hell will I tell my unborn child?  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.  Then my husband says the worst. 

“This will do you good.  I’ll bail your ass out in the morning.” 

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!  The horror!!!!  Bologna sandwiches, luke warm water with black floaties swirling around and a lesbian named GIna – not Gina, GI –na, a la “The 40-year-old Virgin” – stroking my hair.  This is hell. 

Realizing I’m staring at Eugene Levy as he walks past my office to go to the bathroom I smirk at him.  If only he knew…. 

And to bring my rant full-circle for you… I will NEVER – ever – understand why people refuse to hold the door open for one another.  And I’m not just talking about a man holding a door open for a woman – however what does it say about the man who doesn’t? – but a woman can hold a door open for a man, a woman can hold a door open for a woman, a man can hold a door open for a man…I think you get it.  It’s just common courtesy to not let a door slam in someone’s face behind you.  Hold the door open people!  Smile!  Say good morning!  Our society needs to go back to the basics.  Were you not taught this as a child? 

And if you don’t hold the door open for someone behind you, then I ask you this.  Were you, too, raised in a barn like my friend Eugene Levy?

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