Do I do it? Or don’t I?
And then I do.
It’s like a huge relief is lifted off my shoulders. I take a deep breath.
I didn’t think it would feel this good.
Life already feels easier…more relaxed…less melodramatic.
I remember the day that I did it for the first time. I never thought I would. And then my cousin Tami did it. I always thought I was too old for it. But, when Tami did it, I thought Why can’t I?
And that’s how it began.
I like it, don’t get me wrong. It’s fun and mindless and kills boredom.
But, then, it became a habit. A routine. An addiction.
I’ve said before that I have a very addictive personality. Thank God I’m not into drugs or I know I would have ended up like Amy Winehouse minus the Grammy. As it is my fondness for boozing is already questionable.
The great – or not so great – thing about me is that I don’t do anything half-assed. I’m all in or all out. Where this usually ends up being rather damaging is when I’m at the mall (can you say maxed credit card?) and when I start thinking.
When I start thinking it can be really good or really bad. I have the ability to overanalyze any situation presented to me. Give me something to analyze and you’ll be amazed at where my brain takes us. With all this thinking going on I needed a creative outlet to get it out…..and that is the great thing about FACEBOOK.
Facebook has been my outlet for the past two years. If I am angry I put it out there. If I’m happy I put it out there….sad….excited….bored….whatever I’m feeling I put it out there. Then it’s off my chest for all to see. My feelings have gone out into Facebook cyber-land where they can be seen or not seen, I don’t really care, as long as it’s off my chest.
Facebook is like therapy. But way cheaper. And way more drama. The problem with Facebook is that people can respond. See, if you could just put your thoughts out for the world to see but no one could ever respond back? Hmm…there’s an idea. Though I guess it might get kind of boring. One of the cool things about posting on Facebook is seeing the responses that you do get back.
If you’re an easy-going type of person you probably don’t let those responses bother you. You roll with the punches. You are happy-go-lucky. That is SO not me.
Sorry, but I guess I have a serious problem with people not agreeing with me. Or with people telling me what to do. Or with communication in general in a written response. I do a lot of WTH does that mean?? (Notice I said WTH instead of the other one! Saved a penny! See my last post if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.)
Is this my over-analytical thinking? Maybe this is part of my pSyChO? nature?? (Again, see earlier blog post pSyChO?)
These days I’m blaming all on my pregnancy hormones. It’s like an insane alien creature has taken over my body. I’m just not myself these days. Nothing I say or do makes sense. My mood swings dip higher and lower than the American Eagle rollercoaster at Six Flags, and they come and go even faster at that.
All I know is that Facebook was becoming a source of anxiety for me and it was time to cut it loose. I’m not sure how this will pan out. I’m sure I will be back at some point. But, in the meantime, my distraught brain and sensitive heart couldn’t take it anymore. I need to take care of myself and my Bambino.
So, ta-ta for now Facebook friends.