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My ring and candle from Papa Voodoo

While I’m in the spirit of updating you all I figured I should update you on my way old previous posts of the Swear Jar & the Voodoo bullshit I got myself into. I’ve linked the old blogs for you in case you don’t remember or have yet to read them.

Let’s start with “To Voodoo or Not to Voodoo?”  because this will be a quick lesson in let the buyer beware. I’m not saying Voodoo is a scam – no way would I speak or even think those words – but Papa Voodoo did not do any Voodoo-ing for me that I’m aware of. For $40 he sent me a candle and a cheesy gumball machine ring. And he performed my “Voodoo Cleanse” of course, which was to rid me of my bad spirits and cleanse my soul.

Oh, and about my ring…he asked me my favorite color and said my ring would come with a stone in that color. Yeah, I gave him 3 colors and my ring is none of those colors. WTF Papa Voodoo?

Anyways, so the day my ring and candle came in the mail I excitedly ripped the packaging open. OMG, this is it. Papa is performing my Voodoo Cleanse as we speak. I will be a new woman. I can’t wait.

For the first week not much of anything seemed to happen? Hmm…maybe the joke was on me? I think. Or maybe I’m not believing deeply enough? I tried to really believe…..

I don’t know, Readers, but I don’t think I’ve been “cleansed” of anything. I’m still the same crabby Italian bitch with a chip on my shoulder. So…thanks a lot Papa Voodoo. I wonder what he did with my $40?

Now…onto the Swear Jar which was actually the blog post “I Don’t Give a Fuuuuuuuuuuuuucckkkk.” This could be one of my all-time favorite posts. Seriously, I love this post as much as I love saying the word fuck. So, how do you think this experiment went? Let me give you a hint….

I fucking failed.

I fucking failed fucking miserably.

I tried sooo hard. I really did try hard. I swear to you! I put a penny jar on my desk at work…and then anytime I said – or even thought! – the F word I truly put a penny in the jar. How many pennies were in there? I don’t know, people, I gave up after like a week. It was utter craziness. I was going broke.

I said, “Well, fuck this!” and then I dropped one more penny in the jar….

See, the problem is there was no real motivation for me. I mean, other than the fact that my daughter Eva’s first word will probably be fuck. Please, God, let her not say that in front of my Italian Papa because he will die. I’m serious. Then I will die.

I mean, that’s my only real motivation. I’m very motivated by prizes and such…and there was no prize for me here. I mean, except to destroy my potty mouth and raise a sweet child. Hahahahahahahahahhaahhaha what blog are you reading????

So, I did give the sad amount of money that I put in the jar for my week of experimentation to the Ronald McDonald House as I said I would.

But, boy, did I fail miserably.

FUCK!

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