Good-Bye for Now

Dear Friends and Blog Readers,

I am currently not well as many of you may have picked up on. I am going to cease writing my blog until I get well for two reasons.

1.) The criticism is hard to take. And right now I’m not strong enough to deal with the haters.

2.) I love writing my blog, but I need to get better so I can be a better mother to my daughter Eva. Looking her in the face every day is enough to make me know I want to get better, but I’m good at faking it and pretending like things are OK. Then I find myself wanting to murder someone over not using their turn signal and it makes me start to wonder….gee…what’s up with that psycho (meaning myself).

Allowing myself this time to re-evaluate my life goals, my wants, my dreams and my desires without the diversion of my blog will help me to remember what is important to me. I’m good at distracting myself with wine and Facebook and shopping and blogging and doing anything – ANYTHING – but deal with the pain that I have been experiencing for some time.

Like a teenager who has gotten bad grades I’m taking something away from myself that I love – my blog/a car for a teen – in order to concentrate on getting well.

I will come back with rants, but rants a little better than General Disaster emailing me to “shove it up my ass” (I mean, why did I even bother to respond to that turd, seriously?) and hopefully back with some good stories, too, as I’ve been asked to open up about the good stuff in my life, and believe me there is tons. My pessimistic nature just tends to look at the bad.

I was working on a piece that I decided not to share, but here is a bit of it:

My blog from 2 weeks ago sparked some emotions from my readers. Some of my readers saw the glass ½ full – I am fashionable, and well, now, stylish according to the Target ladies. I should take it as a compliment! It’s a part of who I am! It’s OK to be me!

Others could see where I was coming from. Maybe I was seeing the glass ½ empty. I felt insulted. My ego took a serious bruising. I felt like I needed everyone to know that I DO care how others view me. I’m NOT a dumb ass.

But, the fact of the matter is that it doesn’t matter what I do or say. You’re going to think what you want to think. Some of you will love me and some of you will hate me. Some of you will love me but hate things I say….and vice versa.

And that’s OK!

I’m still learning with this blogging experience. It feels good to get my thoughts down on paper. It feels good to get emails from people saying, “I know exactly how you feel!”

But, the criticism is tough, and I’m learning to deal with that, too. It doesn’t feel good to get emails from people telling me I’m stupid … or I have issues … or I’m a bad mother. But, that’s part of the territory. I put myself out there for people to judge me. I have to deal with the good and the bad.

I will be back. I promise! 🙂