October 4, 2011 – Jlees Blog

Little Miss Fickle by Roger Hargreaves http://www.openlibrary.org

So this is the 3rd time I’ve changed my blog? Or the 4th? I can’t seem to even remember anymore. I’m a little fickle. I mean, I’m strong minded, and I know what I want, but I also occasionally change my mind. I think it’s my perfectionist and analytical nature that leads me over think anything and everything.

If you’ve read since the beginning (thank you!) my blog started as Jlee’s Blog; If You Think I’m A B*tch So Be It. It remained that way for some time….my humble beginnings as a blogger through my crabby pregnancy days and finally through my post partum depression era which seriously almost killed me.

I took time away from blogging – and really life – to get well…to go to counseling and to try to find happiness again. For information on that time see my story Mother is God.

When I found myself well on the way to recovery I decided it was time to start writing again. Writing is my passion. I couldn’t imagine my life without writing. If no one read my words I’d still write for me. I decided that the old Jlee didn’t fit anymore. I’m still me, but a little softer…a little more humble and mature.

So I revamped my blog! I went to Jlee’s Blog; I’ve Gone BaNaNaS but Managed to Survive with the subtext “the working mom’s challenges and rewards.” I liked it. It felt more real. More me.

But as I’ve grown as a blogger (and have now won an award!!!) I started to look at my blog with complete distaste. Let me not put this delicately. This is fugly! Seriously – FUGLY! And what is up with the bananas? Who am I trying to prove myself to? I was trying to appeal to all audiences…I want my mommy friends to read and like me. I want my single friends to read and like me. I want people who don’t even know me to read and like me. I was torn. What is this new blog about? What do I want to say? What’s my message?

OMG. My brain hurts. HELP! What is my message? The answer is I don’t know. I don’t know what this blog is about. I don’t know who my core audience is. I do know I need to go back to basics. I need to remember to write for me, and I need my blog to represent me.

So, good-bye “if you think I’m a bitch” and later crazy BaNaNaS – I haven’t survived. I’m currently surviving. I’m evolving. My life is changing. Everyday. I may still go crazy again. I’m a lovable, neurotic, anxiety-ridden working mom. I like to drink wine (a little too much), I’m very sensitive – but loyal, and I simply want to write my thoughts about my life! Why am I trying to prove I’m “something” to everyone? I don’t even know what or who that “something” is. Why am I trying so hard?

Yep. Clearly I need help. Stay tuned.

So…here it is. Ta-Da! My new blog….Jlee’s Blog. Let’s keep it simple. That’s it. It’s Jlee’s blog. I’m Jlee and it’s my blog. Just Jlee. Oh…maybe I should change it to that????