There are many things in life that I love.
-Wine and iced coffee
But, if you’ve been reading my blog you know my one true love is my Juicy Couture bag.
I’m embarrassed to say how I even stumbled upon Juicy Couture, back in my early 20s, when I was very poor and uncool. (Not a good combo, but thank goodness I grew out of BOTH of those phases…)
Anyways, so back in the day when Mancow was on Q101 I used to listen to him in the a.m. as I got ready to go to my real estate job in Hinsdale. Working in Hinsdale made me so desperate to be rich it actually turned me into a huge b*tch and I detail about that time in my book, Concrete Boots. I promise my book will be coming out…and SOON!
So anyways, while I was listening to Mancow one morning he talked about how his girlfriend at the time (who is now his wife) was obsessed with Juicy Couture. He would get so mad that she would go spend his precious earned dollars on Juicy Couture tracksuits with the word “Juicy” written on the rear.
He said, “Sorry people. Sorry I don’t want my woman walking around with Juicy on her @ss! That’s not appropriate…” He would go on and on. I was in a trance…what is this Juicy Couture?? Then when my US Magazine starting showing a lot of celebs wearing Juicy I was sold.
I don’t think celebs wear a ton of Juicy anymore…too many common folk wear it now. But, I don’t care. I’m obsessed. For me Juicy Couture is expensive enough that not everyone is wearing it, but affordable enough that I have to work hard for it so therefore I really appreciate it. When I get a new Juicy Couture bag I’m like, omg, this is heaven. I’ll never forget the day I bought my 1st Juicy Couture bag for myself for my 30th birthday. Hellzz yeah, I’ve made it now, I thought.
Now, not to brag, but I’ve graduated to Pjs, panties, perfumes, shirts, purses, a diaper bag, and finally…and I mean FINALLY … my 1st Juicy Couture tracksuit.
Let me tell you this story.
Last month I was in Phoenix visiting family. One night my hubby and I went to meet some friends in Scottsdale for happy hour. Super fun night and I had the best coconut martini ever at the Tommy Bahama restaurant plus, you know, a glass of wine or two.
I had a little buzz on and as we were leaving to walk back to our car we were walking through Kierland Commons, an upscale outdoor shopping area in Scottsdale, and my friend, Liz, who obvs knows I’m obsessed with Juicy says, “Jen, look, there’s the Juicy Couture store.”
See, all my Juicy Couture purchases have been made at Von Maur (a Nordstom-type department store we have in Chicago which is the greatest store ever because they have an interest-free credit card!) or the Juicy Couture Outlet at Chicago Premium Outlets.
I know it’s probably totes uncool (by the way, totes is my new word) to shop at the outlet mall, but what can I say? A deal is a deal, and I always say that when my book makes me famous like JK Rowling I will still shop at Target!
So, anyways, I just went off on a tangent. Vacation. A couple drinks. A beautiful night. The aura of Juicy Couture. It’s like the makings of a rom-com. I said, “I have to go in there.”
My friends laughed and carried on, and my husband, knowing I would rather die than go home without going in Juicy Couture
said made the big mistake of saying, “OK, let’s go in.”
It was like heaven on Earth.
I walked in and my head started playing its own little theme song like Ally McBeal. There were clothes and shoes and jewelry and purses and tracksuits and pink…there was pink everywhere. And beautiful displays. And beautiful people.
This is amazing. I have to buy something. I must. I mean, this is the official Juicy Couture store, not the stupid outlet mall or Von Maur. I mean, this is the real deal.
What kind of an example would I be setting for my daughter if I chose to simply walk by? That’s not following your dreams. That’s not being true to yourself! I work hard, damn it, and I want Juicy Couture!
Uh-oh. My husband should have known better, he really should have. I don’t blame him, I’m just saying. Sometimes dealing with me can be tough, you know, so he picks his battles. He did remind me of bills we had to pay when we got home, and how overpriced Juicy Couture is, and you know, do I really need this, like really really need this?
The answers of course were: I’ll worry about it later, I don’t care and YES, for the love of God, YES I need this. And let me turn to the Lord on this one. Would God have put Juicy Couture right here if he didn’t want me to stumble upon it? Of course not!
I finally settle on the tracksuit of my dreams. This is a must-buy. I am dying to give my credit card for this beautiful piece of clothing.
Knowing Juicy Couture runs small I grab a medium top and a medium bottom. The sales gal says, “Oh no, honey, you’re not a medium.” Ooh, I like her already.
Sales Gal was getting a kick out me, thank goodness, and loved that I was having so much fun in the Juicy Couture store or maybe was just making fun of me – LOL? I’m sure I was a bit of an amusement as I stumbled around looking at every single item and running my fingers across all the fabrics with wide eyes.
She let me in the dressing room, which, too, was amazzze. As I tried on the tracksuit I discovered she was right. It was too big. Now there’s a problem to have, right?!?
As Sales Gal went to grab me alternate sizes I look down at my skinny belly. Wow, I have gotten really skinny since I lost all the baby weight. I could still tone up a bit, my tummy is a little flabby, but still I feel a sense of pride, because it wasn’t without hard work – both working out and dieting – to lose the 33 pounds I gained. Then I look down at my panties. O-M-G. I completely forgot I am wearing my Juicy Couture THONG! It is pink and blinged out and says “Juicy” on it. Ohmigosh, dying!
Since I’ve lost my boundaries at this point, not that I have a lot of boundaries anyways since I’m slightly inappropriate at times, I’m like dying to tell Sales Gal. In fact, I, like, have to show her my thong. She will DIE. Maybe she will call Corporate Juicy and they will hire me for their next ad campaign because obvs I’m a diehard fan. Then maybe I’ll get to meet Giuliana Rancic, my future or in another lifetime BFF, as I walk the red carpet at the next awards show because I’m totally the next big thing!
OK, wow, back to reality Jen. You’re a 32-year-old suburban mom living in a Juicy dream (pun intended). I can just see the hate mail coming in now. Get my priorities straight, blah blah blah. You know what I say to that? Lighten up, Francis! I’m not going to die without:
1.) Occasionally eating a Big Mac (I last ate one as Snooki on Halloween)
2.) Owning a Juicy Couture tracksuit.
“Come in,” I say to Sales Gal who comes in with different sizes and colors of tracksuits as I stand there in my knickers.
My eyes widen as I remember I have to show Sales Gal my thong.
I point at my pink Juicy Couture thong and say, “Look, I told you I was the ultimate Juicy fan.”
She starts laughing, as she hands me a pair of pants to try on. “Oh my gosh, I love this! You are so sweet. You have to get a tracksuit now!”
And yes, I did buy my Juicy Couture tracksuit at the official Juicy Couture store.
So, today, on this day of thanks, I am grateful for my family and friends. And obvs for Juicy Couture! 🙂