#2: Bad Mom Says “It’s Common Sense Really.”

My weekly “Bad Mom” post isn’t really taking off the way I had hoped. 

Apparently there are just no bad moms out there!  I actually have been a pretty good mom lately, if I do say so myself, and I haven’t really had any stories to share.

I’m proud to say I’ve been keeping it all together.  I think I’m just more of a psycho before the holidays so now that we’re into 2012 I’m a little more content.  I’m not content about the belly bulge I noticed this morning when putting on my skinny jeans, but I digress.  I really can’t do it all, and I’m starting to be OK with that.

So my brief Bad Mom moment occurred this morning while I was driving the Chiquita to Bubbe’s house.  It’s freezing in the car even though I warmed it for about 15 minutes before we left the house.  We’re both bundled up with the heat blasting.  Chiquita is in the back in her car seat sucking on her paci while she holds her bottle and hugs her baby; a black fleece blanket across her legs.

We’re not even down the block when she throws Baby across the backseat.  Then she starts whining.  Ugh.  Soo annoying.  I haven’t even sipped my coffee yet and I’m trying to listen to Kiss FM’s “Dirty on the Thirty” celeb gossip segment and she’s in the back going, “oooh…ahhh….ahhh…ma….” trying to say to me, “Hey, lady, I dropped threw my baby now pick it up for me.”

Diva Eva wants it NOW!

How many times do we have to do this?  I turn around and say, “I’m driving right now.  Don’t throw your baby.”

She follows up with, “oooh…ahhh….ahhh…ma….”

I turn around again and say, “I’m driving right now.  When I stop at a red light I will get your baby.”  And then I turn up the volume to hear “Dirty on the Thirty.”  Nice mom, huh?

At the red light I turn around and grab Baby off the backseat.  I hand the baby to her and say, firmly, “Don’t throw her again because I’m not getting her for you next time.  You’ll have to wait until we get to Bubbe’s.”

She smiles and hugs Baby.  Awww so cute….for about three seconds.

Three seconds later Baby is on the floor again.  I hear, “oooh…ahhh….ahhh…ma….”  I think to myself, we have a seven minute ride to Bubbe’s and I feel like I’m going to kill this kid.  I tell her no and continue to drive despite her rebuttals. 

Seconds later her bottle has ended up been thrown on the floor and this infuriates her.  Where in the hell did the Chiquita get this bad temper?  Certainly not from Moi! 😀

Now she’s really pissed and she’s letting me know it.  A tirade ensues complete with pointing at me and kicking her legs.  I want to laugh at this kid, but I don’t. 

I turn around and say, “Hey, I told you not to throw Baby and your bottle.  I’m driving.  I can’t reach it.  You’ll have to wait until we get to Bubbe’s.”

We’re going to be there in one and a half minutes.  I really wish kids understood patience!  She continues with her tirade and finally I’m at my wit’s end.  How many times do I have to tell the Chiquita NOT to throw Baby and/or bottles on our drive to Bubbe’s?  This isn’t a new phenomenon.  She wasn’t born yesterday.  She knows the drill.

Finally I begrudgingly turn around as another tirade ensues and I say (very nicely, actually, I’m not even yelling), “Listen.  How many times do I have to tell you not to throw your bottle?  I can’t pick it up off the floor while I am driving.  How about you just don’t throw it?  I mean, it’s common sense really….”

"It's common sense, Timmy!"

The words escape my mouth, and I think to myself, Wow.  That’s wayyyy f*cked up.  I just told my 18 month old she lacked common sense.

And this just after I argued with Hubs on what a “compassionate” person I am.  He goes, “You?  Compassionate?  The person who thinks everyone is ‘sooo stupid.’  Hilarious.”

 

What are your Bad Mom stories?  I can’t be the only one who is the occasional Bad Mom!  Write me at jlee5879@live.com.

3 thoughts on “#2: Bad Mom Says “It’s Common Sense Really.”

  1. OK, here’s one that might as well make it to print. I’m sure I have plenty of recent Bad Mom stories, but my daughters would be the best source for those. And I’m not going to give you their contact info for that very reason. 🙂 Several years, when my youngest was about 8 or 9 and played recreational soccer, we got one of those soccer goals for our yard…I think they call them “rebounders” since the harder you kick the ball into it, the harder it rebounds back to you. At the time, my daughter played goalkeeper, so we were helping her work on her defensive skills. (Guess where this is going.) So I kicked the ball pretty hard to her, probably harder than any of her teammates could ever kick. Not saying I’m that strong or athletic, but apparently I had some pent-up frustrations for some odd reason. Well, the ball hit her in the arm. At first, I thought she was laughing, and I may have even laughed with her as I uttered something really un-motherly, like “my bad”. Except she wasn’t laughing. Within 30 seconds, the tears were flowing and she was wailing in the front yard, grabbing her arm. Since this daughter isn’t my overly dramatic one, I immediately took her to the ER. As you can probably guess, I had broken her arm. And as you can probably guess, every doctor and nurse that approached us asked her what happened to her arm, and she responded quickly with “My mom kicked the ball to me playing soccer in the front yard”. She forgave me, but that didn’t stop her from telling the world about it. And 5 years later, she still talks about it to all who will listen.. Just call me Mother Of The Year.

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