5 Days of Insanity: Part III

The 5 Days of Insanity posts continue to be very popular on my blog. 5 Days of Insanity has actually gotten the highest views and most comments of any of my posts. (Thanks Readers!! :D)

It all started when I purchased a Groupon for a 5 day juice cleanse from A Choice 4 Life back in March. Not much of a cleanse person (I’m Italian, and I like my food) I figured I’d give it a shot and do a write-up of my experience for the blog.

After talking about it with a friend she decided to also give it a shot. By the way, she is a cleanse person and usually does very well on cleanses and diets in general (unlike me). When she purchased the A Choice 4 Life Juice Cleanse I asked her if she would write a guest post of her experience for the blog. She agreed ~ and has offered some great tips for my readers in 5 Days of Insanity: Part II.

Not to beat a dead horse…but seeing as though there is continued interest in this Groupon and this juice cleanse, I figured we could use a man’s point of view.

Today’s post comes to us from Dave. A big thank you to Dave! I’m glad you survived. 🙂

Photo courtesy of A Choice 4 Life


Hi Jennifer – thought I would keep you up to date with my five day journey…I am on day 2 as I type and can tell you much much worse than day 1.
It’s a long time coming, but my girlfriend and I are finally doing the 5 day cleansing after taking a month to receive it from Groupon. We both decided to start on Monday, since we didn’t want to destroy our weekends with starvation and everything else that comes with a cleansing.Day 1-I woke up around 7 and was surprisingly not hungry? Not sure why – maybe I convinced my body that it didn’t need food during the five days. I drank my 12 ounces and tea and 6 ounces of protein – which tastes eerily familiar to being in a barn filled with hay? Hmmm… I wonder if they just tell you it’s protein? I went to work with one arm filled with fruit and the other with a 64 ounce bottle of grapefruit juice. Believe it or not, my first day was somewhat ‘normal’ other than a mild headache (lack of coffee) and a constant running to the bathroom because I was drinking so much. I think by the end of the five days the carpet between my office and the bathroom will be worn down. My evening was the same, for some reason I was not that hungry. I ate grapes, a plum and a pound or two of watermelon. Off to bed around 10 with a commitment to continue for the next 4 days.

Day 2-I woke up at 4:45 and off to the gym I went. I did weights and 45 minutes of spinning. I felt a bit achy, but probably from the Tough Mudder Challenge I did the past weekend – not likely from all the fruit working it’s way through my body. Came home, drank my ‘stuff’ (tea and protein) and off to work with Apple Juice. This of course is where my 5 day program gets interesting. I am drinking my apple juice in the morning and rather enjoying the change from the tart grapefruit the day before. At about 9:30 a.m. my stomach starts rumbling and 15 minutes later… all hell breaks loose! I am now running back and forth to the shitter maybe 6 or 7 times until 11:00, at which time I have to leave for an offsite meeting! I am gone until 1:00 and during that time I am dying! Holding everything back and in for what felt like an eternity. Made it back to my house for another quick relief and then off to the office to finish my juice and allocate 20% of the rest of my day to the porcelain god.Oddly enough, my evening was uneventful and I would say even good. I ate another pound of watermelon, watch a movie and honestly – just not hungry…weird for me. No more rumbling or porcelain gods for the evening!

Day 3-I didn’t sleep well last night, probably more stress related than the cleansing. When I finally got up around 7:00, I felt really good – not hungry at all, which is odd for me. I did my usual tea and protein before leaving the house cradling my prune juice (better known as shit maker) and a bag of grapes. How does one even contemplate 64 ounces of shit maker? Are you kidding me – I think the person who designed the cleansing is a sick mf’er! My day went exactly as you would have expected – running back and forth to my second office from 11:00 on, but this time with more power and vengeance from the body. I think I must have a lot of toxins in me because far more is coming out then ever went in! My stomach is in constant cramps with a side of rumble to boot. I am not hungry (no surprise) but I don’t feel weak or lethargic like others have from the cleansing. In the evening, I cooked dinner for my girls and watched them eat one of my favorite dishes. My stomach was going absolutely crazy throughout the evening with my last run the bathroom at 1:36 a.m. I’ll be honest, I was a bit scared that I was going to shit my pants in the middle of the night – oh what a feeling! I am now beginning to wonder if this is all worth it…

Day 4-Not sure what’s wrong with me, but definitely not sleeping well…I was falling in and out of sleep throughout the night, but my stomach cramps were gone after my 1:36 bout. My day started fine, although a bit lethargic. I quickly drank my protein hay and herbal/detoxing tea. Today’s drink of choice was grape juice. Oh how deceptive that wonderful child drink can be. My morning went fine with one trip to the bathroom and an amazing amount of grumbling. I had a client lunch, asked for a fruit plate with weird stares from my guest and of course this restaurant has NO fruit. So I sit and drank my lemon water while everyone is devouring plates of wonderfulness! During lunch, I am feeling something ‘coming on’ but resist going to the bathroom as I know it may be a while. After an hour or so, we finally drop off the client and head back to the office. This is when I knew I was done! I was in the bathroom for 20 minutes and 11 flushes later. I felt at this point I had cleaned every part of my system and had nothing left to give. Later on in the evening, I had two bowls of soup, contemplated my last four days and felt satisfied with my cleansing. I have not weighed myself – but would imagine that I lost 5 – 7 pounds. I feel thinner and know that I did something good for my body.

I am not sure I would recommend it. If I knew for sure it made a difference – YES, but I will never know. It’s a bit of faith that goes into these cleansings.

The consensus seems to be that you spend an awful lot of time on the toilet….so might want to invest in one of these.

If you are interested in trying this cleanse here is the information that you need:

A Choice For Life, Holistic Wellness Center
10650 S. Western Ave.
Chicago, IL 60643
(773) 239-7740

Author: jlee5879

Office manager by day...struggling writer by night

One thought on “5 Days of Insanity: Part III”

  1. Omg. This was absolutely hilarious and frighteningly accurate. Hats off to you for working out on this cleanse at all. I am at the end of day 2 and have zero energy. Wondering if my body is eating my muscle tissue (like my heart!) or if 64 ounces of fructose daily is going to leave me with a permanent case of diabetes. And yet, I must go on! Like you, if I get to the end of day 4 without caving, I will feel like I’ve won.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s