A friend recently shared a blog with me. She thought as a writer I would appreciate the writing style and humor. Or wait. Maybe she thinks I wear Mom Jeans.
No, it can’t be number two because I don’t buy my jeans at Old Navy.
Thank the Lord.
Go read this article so that you can be sure you’re not wearing Mom Jeans. It’s a cardinal sin. I mean, do you want to end up single because your husband thinks you have two asses? I don’t either. So read on.
I like to sell and shop at this resale shop by my work – Clothes Attic’d for you locals – and I spied a pair of True Religion jeans last week.
The jeans were my size but cost $55.
need want a pair of new jeans, and I’d been thinking about heading to Express to make my purchase. No, not because of the article I shared with you, so no, I do not wear Mom Jeans because I’ve been buying Express jeans all along!
That said, while they aren’t the most expensive jeans out there I’m still buying diapers (damn kid does NOT want to go on the potty) so jeans for Mom aren’t really something on the list….
I thought: I don’t feel like trying these on…I don’t feel like paying $55 for used jeans…nah.
Then I had a dream about them.
Side note: If I see something while I’m shopping and I think I like it but I’m not sure if I do I hold out. Then I see if I have a dream about said item. If I DO dream about it then it means I must go back and get it. If I don’t dream about it then I don’t really want it. True story. It works!
I’ve obviously heard of the brand True Religion but I had no clue what the jeans retailed for. I did a quick Google search. Holy cow! $250. Well, $55 is quite a steal then.
On my lunch break I head over to Clothes Attic’d and figure if the jeans are still on the rack it’s a sign from God.
Jeans are there. Yippee!
I go to the fitting room to try them on.
They look good in the front…flared…I love the flare trend by the way and am so glad its back in style.
I turn around to check out my derierre in the mirror.
2 minutes inside Jlee’s head: How do the pockets look? Are they the right size? I think my butt looks good? Does my butt look good? Can I make returns here? I like these now, but what if I get home and decide my butt doesn’t look good? What if they’re [insert the horror music] Mom Jeans! Oh my gosh, what do I do? What did the article say again? Oh my gosh, I can’t remember. Should I look it up on my phone?
I decide to take a picture. Of my ass. In the mirror.
I take out my phone. OK, I’ll send this to my friends and say “How’s my ass?”
I mean, this is important! They’ll understand. They’ll drop everything and respond.
I discover it’s really hard to take a picture of your backside in the mirror. After this awful attempt I decided this wasn’t going to work.
I could walk out of the fitting room…yeah…I could walk up to the checkout and ask the ladies.
“Um…hi…can you tell me how my ass looks? See, I’m really concerned that these may be Mom Jeans. I’m actually having a panic attack in the fitting room. I popped a Xanax and decided to come out here and ask you. So, here, I’ll turn around. Um…so how does my ass look?”
But, I did actually do this, only I didn’t pop a Xanax. I didn’t come out wearing the jeans. And I didn’t ask them how my ass looked. So I guess I really didn’t actually do as mentioned above, but when I went to the checkout I did start babbling incessantly about Mom Jeans and can I return these jeans if they are in fact Mom Jeans and how I read this article about Mom Jeans … I was going on and on. I needed a Xanax.
I came back to work and tweeted the article to the Owner, who did say I have seven days to return said jeans, but also told me that True Religion is a great brand and basically cannot be Mom Jeans. Like it’s an oxymoron. Still feeling a bit unsure I made the purchase and said I would go home and check out my ass in the comfort of my own home.
And you know I would also ask all my friends, my husband, my mom….Mom Jeans are not something to mess around with.
Well asking my husband is useless because he likes my ass in anything, or preferably in nothing, and he was more than excited to be my photographer. I told my girlfriends I feel like the True Religion jeans pockets are too long. What do you think?
These are the exact texts:
My friends received four pictures of my ass. They lucked out because my husband insisted on taking about 20, then asked to take some with the jeans off which I scoffed at saying, “We’re not doing a photo shoot, we’re doing research. Blog research. This is important!”
He just doesn’t get it.
I then proceeded to check out chicks asses all weekend long. In line at Dunkin Donuts, at the grocery store, at the gas station…my husband was even checking out asses and giving feedback. He even asked a chick where she got her jeans from. Yeah, it was embarrassing.
I still haven’t made a final decision and time is running out.
Awesome friend’s response: “I like the True Religion a lot!!!! Ur ass looks great girl, i swear!!”
What do you think?