Having It All (Almost)

There were so many times that I was such an ungrateful and spoiled person. It sickens me to reflect on. I might have gone through hell having the Chiquita, but I’m telling you, it has changed my life.

I know people always say how having kids changes you, but having this bright star in my life everyday reminds me of how lucky I truly am.

I believe she saved me – she teaches me to be a better person every day. She teaches me love. She teaches me patience. She teaches me acceptance. She has humbled me in a way that no other human could.

There was a time I felt I was invincible, and I reflect on that in my book, but being depressed and lost during pregnancy, to my near death experience, to my crippling post partum depression, to fearing I would lose my child during my divorce has truthfully humbled my existence.

Sure I have the selfish days of wishing I could still afford the luxuries I once had, but I remind myself that it’s not about the things we have, but the people we have.

I’m telling you. The people I have in my life are downright amazing. I have so many people who love and support me.

Because I am single and sometimes feel alone, I often forget to remind myself of how lucky I am for the once torn family I have now – now pulling back together – and for the dear friends I cherish, those have truly wanted me to find happiness and who accept me quirks and all.

There’s tears, laughs, fears and hope. But I do have hope. Hope that I’m done and this isn’t the end. This is just the beginning.

jlees blog

5 thoughts on “Having It All (Almost)

      1. It is the beginning. Hang in there. I’ve been through so much not post pardon depression but depression. I also have only one child. I committed myself because I was breaking inside. My ex was understanding and I too was so scared. He could’ve made a move to take custody but once I got my head clear I realized how blessed I was. I’ve focused on her and her only. The best times of my life and made the best mommie friends. I also had to heal forgive n forget to reastablish family relationships. You are not alone or crazy. You will get through this. cherish your Chaquita (love that) and focus on the two of you. Things WILL get better. Time heals all.

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