Deep Thoughts by Jlee

I’m going to start a “Deep Thoughts by Jlee” section and see where it goes….you can see why my counselor makes her money. 🙂

And in honor of this new “Deep Thoughts” section I will share my two, actually three!, favorite Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, my inspiration.

Know that my thoughts are not as funny as Jack Handey’s but are actually far more disturbing. Disturbing as in weird as in ‘who actually thinks that?’ I’ll start you out slow though….

On the last day of the month I look at the calendar with both excitement and anxiety. See, I can’t wait for the day to end so I can change the calendar to the next month….I don’t know why, it’s just something that makes me happy.

And now to feature the hilarious Jack Handey:

My fave one ~ “Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed.  Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams comes true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”

My 2nd fave ~ “If you ever accidentally drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let ’em go, because man, they’re gone.”

My newly discovered fave ~ “Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I’ll go over to the person’s house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I’m gone, but you know what I’ve left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says “You.” After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.”

What are your favorite Jack Handey quotes? Any deep thoughts by my readers?