Little Miss Fickle

Little Miss Fickle by Roger Hargreaves http://www.openlibrary.org

So this is the 3rd time I’ve changed my blog?  Or the 4th?  I can’t seem to even remember anymore.  I’m a little fickle.  I mean, I’m strong minded, and I know what I want, but I also occasionally change my mind.  I think it’s my perfectionist and analytical nature that leads me over think anything and everything.

If you’ve read since the beginning (thank you!) my blog started as Jlee’s Blog; If You Think I’m A B*tch So Be It.  It remained that way for some time….my humble beginnings as a blogger through my crabby pregnancy days and finally through my post partum depression era which seriously almost killed me.

I took time away from blogging – and really life – to get well…to go to counseling and to try to find happiness again. For information on that time see my story Mother is God.

When I found myself well on the way to recovery I decided it was time to start writing again.  Writing is my passion.  I couldn’t imagine my life without writing.  If no one read my words I’d still write for me.  I decided that the old Jlee didn’t fit anymore.  I’m still me, but a little softer…a little more humble and mature.

So I revamped my blog!  I went to Jlee’s Blog; I’ve Gone BaNaNaS but Managed to Survive with the subtext “the working mom’s challenges and rewards.”  I liked it.  It felt more real.  More me. 

But as I’ve grown as a blogger (and have now won an award!!!) I started to look at my blog with complete distaste.  Let me not put this delicately.  This is fugly!  Seriously – FUGLY!  And what is up with the bananas?  Who am I trying to prove myself to?  I was trying to appeal to all audiences…I want my mommy friends to read and like me.  I want my single friends to read and like me.  I want people who don’t even know me to read and like me.  I was torn.  What is this new blog about?  What do I want to say?  What’s my message?

OMG.  My brain hurts.  HELP!  What is my message?  The answer is I don’t know.  I don’t know what this blog is about.  I don’t know who my core audience is.  I do know I need to go back to basics.  I need to remember to write for me, and I need my blog to represent me.

So, good-bye “if you think I’m a bitch” and later crazy BaNaNaS – I haven’t survived.  I’m currently surviving.  I’m evolving.  My life is changing.  Everyday.  I may still go crazy again.  I’m a lovable, neurotic, anxiety-ridden working mom.  I like to drink wine (a little too much), I’m very sensitive – but loyal, and I simply want to write my thoughts about my life!  Why am I trying to prove I’m “something” to everyone?  I don’t even know what or who that “something” is.  Why am I trying so hard?

Yep.  Clearly I need help.  Stay tuned.

So…here it is.  Ta-Da!  My new blog….Jlee’s Blog.  Let’s keep it simple.  That’s it.  It’s Jlee’s blog.  I’m Jlee and it’s my blog.  Just Jlee.  Oh…maybe I should change it to that????

Do I love Snooki? No. But am I being Snooki for Halloween? Yes.

And the leopard, OMG, is that totally a crazy Italian girl or what?  Love the leopard…sorry if it’s a little Soprano’s or – the horror – Jersey Shore.

Tell me: Do you like my new blog?  I guarantee I won’t be changing it from this.  I don’t think.  But, ask me tomorrow.