Single AF

I’ve spent the last year steering clear of dating. It’s seemed like a good time to focus on me and my daughter. And it’s been great – I can’t wait to share in my next post!

But, being single can be very lonely. So, when opportunities present themselves, I enjoy getting out.

My friend, I’ll call him Rick, texts me this week to meet up. I get a text yesterday that he’s picking me up and taking me to a new wine bar. Awesome! I mean, what are my favorite things in life? Wine and coffee. And a sort of date! I mean, he’s my friend and not a love interest, but still, I’m getting picked up and taken to a wine bar!

I’m so excited. I get home from work and freshen up. He picks me up – he actually comes to the door! The snow is so beautiful. We arrive at the new wine bar. It’s super cute and I order a wine flight.

As we’re talking – sharing what’s going on in our worlds – he’s on his phone incessantly. It’s super annoying and a huge pet peeve of mine. I actually think it’s quite rude.

I say a few times…. you know … passive aggressive comments. “Am I boring you?”

It continues.

I mean, I’m drinking my wine and having a gay old time, but this is like super annoying. It’s not like I’m ugly. Even if we are only friends.

I look at Rick and using my “therapy words”, I say, “Rick, it really bothers me that you’re sitting on your phone. It’s super rude. And annoying. And I don’t like it. So please stop.”

Look at me. So grown up now!

I get excuse after excuse. It’s work, it’s this, it’s that.

Yes, we’re friends and we’re not on a date, but if you were too busy to spend time with me then why did you ask me to go out? I don’t want to sit at a bar with my friend by myself, albeit a cool wine bar with a handsome bartender.

Rick apologizes. Rick tries to blame me.

“You’re on your Snapchat,” he says. Yeah, I was on my Snapchat for 10 seconds snapping a pic of my awesome looking wine flight. (Because who drinks a wine flight and doesn’t Snap it?)

Rick continues on his phone and now it’s really starting to piss me off. Like did you not appreciate that I used my “therapy words”? Do I just need to be a flat-out asshole to you?

I look at Rick – who’s on his phone again – and I say, “Listen. I’m going to use the washroom. Finish up whatever business you got going on here or I’m going to call an Uber and go home.”

He’s all oohhh okay… you know making fun of me. (Does he not realize I’m a bit of a crazy?)

I use the washroom and check my Snapchat and check my makeup. I head back to the bar.

HE’S ON HIS PHONE AGAIN.

Like who the fuck does this. I mean, seriously. You’re like a 50-something year old man, not a teenager in Social Studies.

We leave. There’s too much distraction. Let’s hang out and drink some wine. The snow is so pretty. Let’s get some nachos.

We arrive at our destination, and as I grab the nachos and open the car door, Rick is on his phone again.

(He’s so sorry! He can’t help it!)

I get out of the car and walk to my door. I open the door and step inside. It’s dark except for my Himalayan lights.

I look out the window. Rick hasn’t left the car yet. I lock my screen door. I lock and deadbolt my door. I sit on my living room floor in the orange Himalayan glow. I open the nachos.

Where are the nachos? Where are all the toppings? These are chips and cheese!

I hear Rick try to open the screen door. He knocks. He knocks on my window. He calls my phone. He leaves me a voicemail.

This whole time I’m sitting on the floor in the orange glow wondering what in the hell happened to my nacho toppings? This has got to be a joke!

I text Rick this. I say: I only give my time to those who deserves my time. (Again, my “therapy words”!!!!)

He responds bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Not the words bullshit, but rather his native gibberish. Then says: I really wanted those nachos.

My response: I’ll Venmo you for the nachos. You ruined them anyway. You get them with everything.

Rick responds: I’m not a food “mind reader” (LMAO, because who the fuck orders nachos as just chips and cheese? I mean seriously).

Then texts: I will drop off the correct nachos in 10 min. I’ll leave em outside…ok?

And everyone wonders why I’m single AF. I mean, if this is how I get treated from my friend, you can imagine the dates I’ve been on.

I text this all to my girlfriend this morning.

We laugh and laugh.

And then I get the question on everyone’s mind.

Did Rick actually drop off the nachos?